(雙語)月亮和六便士 第43章(2)

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An effective story might also have been made by bringing him into contact with some old painter whom the pressure of want or the desire for commercial success had made false to the genius of his youth, and who, seeing in Strickland the possibilities which himself had wasted, influenced him to forsake all and follow the divine tyranny of art. I think there would have been something ironic in the picture of the successful old man, rich and honoured, living in another the life which he, though knowing it was the better part, had not had the strength to pursue.

如果想把故事寫得真實感人，我還可以虛構(gòu)一個老畫家，叫思特里克蘭德同他發(fā)生關(guān)系。這個老畫家由于饑寒所迫，也可能是為了追逐虛名，糟蹋了自己青年時代所具有的天才，他后來在思特里克蘭德身上看到了自己虛擲的才華，他影響了思特里克蘭德，叫他拋棄了人世間的榮華，獻身于神圣的藝術(shù)。我會著力描寫一下這位成功的老人，又闊綽又有名望，但是他知道這不是真正的生活，他自己所無力尋求的，他要在這個年輕人身上體驗到；我想這種構(gòu)思未嘗沒有諷刺意味。

The facts are much duller. Strickland, a boy fresh from school, went into a broker's office without any feeling of distaste. Until he married he led the ordinary life of his fellows, gambling mildly on the Exchange, interested to the extent of a sovereign or two on the result of the Derby or the Oxford and Cambridge Race. I think he boxed a little in his spare time. On his chimney-piece he had photographs of Mrs. Langtry and Mary Anderson. He read Punch and the Sporting Times. He went to dances in Hampstead.

但是事實卻遠沒有我想象的這么動人。思特里克蘭德一出校門就投身于一家經(jīng)紀人的事務(wù)所，他對這種生活并沒有什么反感。直到結(jié)婚，他過的就是從事這一行業(yè)的人那種平凡庸碌的生活，在交易所干幾宗輸贏不大的投機買賣，關(guān)注著達爾貝賽馬或者牛津、劍橋比賽的結(jié)果，充其量不過一兩鎊錢的賭注。我猜想思特里克蘭德在工作之余可能還練習(xí)練習(xí)擊拳；壁爐架上擺著朗格瑞夫人（原名愛米麗·夏洛特·勒·布利頓（1852～1929），英國演員，以美貌著稱，后嫁與愛德華·朗格瑞）同瑪麗·安德遜（瑪麗·安德遜（1859—1940），美國女演員）的照片；讀的是《笨拙》雜志和《體育時代》；到漢普斯臺德去參加舞會。

It matters less that for so long I should have lost sight of him. The years during which he was struggling to acquire proficiency in a difficult art were monotonous, and I do not know that there was anything significant in the shifts to which he was put to earn enough money to keep him. An account of them would be an account of the things he had seen happen to other people. I do not think they had any effect on his own character. He must have acquired experiences which would form abundant material for a picaresque novel of modern Paris, but he remained aloof, and judging from his conversation there was nothing in those years that had made a particular impression on him. Perhaps when he went to Paris he was too old to fall a victim to the glamour of his environment. Strange as it may seem, he always appeared to me not only practical, but immensely matter-of-fact. I suppose his life during this period was romantic, but he certainly saw no romance in it. It may be that in order to realise the romance of life you must have something of the actor in you; and, capable of standing outside yourself, you must be able to watch your actions with an interest at once detached and absorbed. But no one was more single-minded than Strickland. I never knew anyone who was less self-conscious. But it is unfortunate that I can give no description of the arduous steps by which he reached such mastery over his art as he ever acquired; for if I could show him undaunted by failure, by an unceasing effort of courage holding despair at bay, doggedly persistent in the face of self-doubt, which is the artist's bitterest enemy, I might excite some sympathy for a personality which, I am all too conscious, must appear singularly devoid of charm. But I have nothing to go on. I never once saw Strickland at work, nor do I know that anyone else did. He kept the secret of his struggles to himself. If in the loneliness of his studio he wrestled desperately with the Angel of the Lord he never allowed a soul to divine his anguish.

有很長一段時間我沒有再見到過他，這一點關(guān)系也沒有。這些年間，他一直在努力奮斗，力圖掌握一門極其困難的藝術(shù)，生活是非常單調(diào)的；有時為了掙錢糊口，他不得不采取一些權(quán)宜的手段，我認為這也并沒有什么值得大書特書的地方。即使我能夠把他這一段生活記載下來，也不過是他所見到的發(fā)生在別人身上的各種事件的記錄。我不認為他在這一段時間內(nèi)的經(jīng)歷對他自己的性格有任何影響。如果要寫一部以現(xiàn)代巴黎為背景的冒險小說，他倒可能積累了豐富的素材。但是他對周圍的事物始終采取一種超然物外的態(tài)度；從他的談話判斷，這幾年里面并沒有發(fā)生任何給他留下特別印象的事。很可能在他去巴黎的時候，年紀已經(jīng)太大，光怪陸離的環(huán)境對他已經(jīng)沒有引誘力了。說來也許有些奇怪，我總覺得他這個人不僅非常實際，而且簡直可以說是木頭木腦的。我想他這一段生活是很富于浪漫情