雙語(yǔ)·面紗 第三十八章

38

It was the day after this that Waddington, coming to the bungalow in the afternoon, when he had sat a little asked Kitty if she would not go for a stroll with him. She had not been out of the compound since their arrival. She was glad enough.

“There are not many walks, I'm afraid,” he said. “But we'll go to the top of the hill.”

“Oh, yes, where the archway is. I've seen it often from the terrace.”

One of the boys opened the heavy doorway for them and they stepped out into the dusty lane. They walked a few yards and then Kitty, seizing Waddington's arm in fright, gave a startled cry.

“Look!”

“What's the matter?”

At the foot of the wall that surrounded the compound a man lay on his back with his legs stretched out and his arms thrown over his head. He wore the patched blue rags and the wild mop of hair of the Chinese beggar.

“He looks as if he were dead,” Kitty gasped.

“He is dead. Come along; you'd better look the other way. I'll have him moved when we come back.”

But Kitty was trembling so violently that she could not stir.

“I've never seen any one dead before.”

“You'd better hurry up and get used to it then, because you'll see a good many before you've done with this cheerful spot.”

He took her hand and drew it in his arm. They walked for a little in silence.

“Did he die of cholera?” she said at last.

“I suppose so.”

They walked up the hill till they came to the archway. It was richly carved. Fantastic and ironical it stood like a landmark in the surrounding country. They sat down on the pedestal and faced the wide plain. The hill was sown close with the little green mounds of the dead, not in lines but disorderly, so that you felt that beneath the surface they must strangely jostle one another. The narrow causeway meandered sinuously among the green rice-fields. A small boy seated on the neck of a water-buffalo drove it slowly home, and three peasants in wide straw hats lolloped with sidelong gait under their heavy loads. After the heat of the day it was pleasant in that spot to catch the faint breeze of the evening and the wide expanse of country brought a sense of restful melancholy to the tortured heart. But Kitty could not rid her mind of the dead beggar.

“How can you talk and laugh and drink whisky when people are dying all around you?” she asked suddenly.

Waddington did not answer. He turned round and looked at her, then he put his hand on her arm.

“You know, this is no place for a woman,” he said gravely. “Why don't you go?”

She gave him a sidelong glance from beneath her long lashes and there was the shadow of a smile on her lips.

“I should have thought under the circumstances a wife's place was by her husband's side.”

“When they telegraphed to me that you were coming with Fane I was astonished. But then it occurred to me that perhaps you'd been a nurse and all this sort of thing was in the day's work. I expected you to be one of those grim-visaged females who lead you a dog's life when you're ill in hospital. You could have knocked me down with a feather when I came into the bungalow and saw you sitting down and resting. You looked very frail and white and tired.”

“You couldn't expect me to look my best after nine days on the road.”

“You look frail and white and tired now, and if you'll allow me to say so, desperately unhappy.”

Kitty flushed because she could not help it, but she was able to give a laugh that sounded merry enough.

“I'm sorry you don't like my expression. The only reason I have for looking unhappy is that since I was twelve I've known that my nose was a little too long. But to cherish a secret sorrow is a most effective pose: you can't think how many sweet young men have wanted to console me.”

Waddington's blue and shining eyes rested on her and she knew that he did not believe a word she said. She did not care so long as he pretended to.

“I knew that you hadn't been married very long and I came to the conclusion that you and your husband were madly in love with each other. I couldn't believe that he had wished you to come, but perhaps you had absolutely refused to stay behind.”

“That's a very reasonable explanation,” she said lightly.

“Yes, but it isn't the right one.”

She waited for him to go on, fearful of what he was about to say, for she had a pretty good idea of his shrewdness and was aware that he never hesitated to speak his mind, but unable to resist the desire to hear him talk about herself.

“I don't think for a moment that you're in love with your husband. I think you dislike him, I shouldn't be surprised if you hated him. But I'm quite sure you're afraid of him.”

For a moment she looked away. She did not mean to let Waddington see that anything he said affected her.

“I have a suspicion that you don't very much like my husband,” she said with cool irony.

“I respect him. He has brains and character; and that, I may tell you, is a very unusual combination. I don't suppose you know what he is doing here, because I don't think he's very expansive with you. If any man single handed can put a stop to this frightful epidemic he's going to do it. He's doctoring the sick, cleaning the city up, trying to get the drinking water pure. He doesn't mind where he goes nor what he does. He's risking his life twenty times a day. He's got Colonel Yü in his pocket and he's induced him to put the troops at his disposal. He's even put a little pluck into the magistrate and the old man is really trying to do something. And the nuns at the convent swear by him. They think he's a hero.”

“Don't you?”

“After all this isn't his job, is it? He's a bacteriologist. There was no call for him to come here. He doesn't give me the impression that he's moved by compassion for all these dying Chinamen. Watson was different. He loved the human race. Though he was a missionary it didn't make any difference to him if they were Christian, Buddhist, or Confucian; they were just human beings. Your husband isn't here because he cares a damn if a hundred thousand Chinese die of cholera; he isn't here either in the interests of science. Why is he here?”

“You'd better ask him.”

“It interests me to see you together. I sometimes wonder how you behave when you're alone. When I'm there you're acting, both of you, and acting damned badly, by George. You'd neither of you get thirty bob a week in a touring company if that's the best you can do.”

“I don't know what you mean,” smiled Kitty, keeping up a pretence of frivolity which she knew did not deceive.

“You're a very pretty woman. It's funny that your husband should never look at you. When he speaks to you it sounds as though it were not his voice but somebody else's.”

“Do you think he doesn't love me?” asked Kitty in a low voice, hoarsely, putting aside suddenly her lightness.

“I don't know. I don't know if you fill him with such a repulsion that it gives him goose-flesh to be near you or if he's burning with a love that for some reason he will not allow himself to show. I've asked myself if you're both here to commit suicide.”

Kitty had seen the startled glance and then the scrutinising look Waddington gave them when the incident of the salad took place.

“I think you're attaching too much importance to a few lettuce leaves,” she said flippantly. She rose. “Shall we go home? I'm sure you want a whisky and soda.”

“You're not a heroine at all events. You're frightened to death. Are you sure you don't want to go away?”

“What has it got to do with you?”

“I'll help you.”

“Are you going to fall to my look of secret sorrow? Look at my profile and tell me if my nose isn't a trifle too long.”

He gazed at her reflectively, that malicious, ironical look in his bright eyes, but mingled with it, a shadow, like a tree standing at a river's edge and its reflection in the water, was an expression of singular kindliness. It brought sudden tears to Kitty's eyes.

“Must you stay?”

“Yes.”

They passed under the flamboyant archway and walked down the hill. When they came to the compound they saw the body of the dead beggar. He took her arm, but she released herself. She stood still.

“It's dreadful, isn't it?”

“What? Death.”

“Yes. It makes everything else seem so horribly trivial. He doesn't look human. When you look at him you can hardly persuade yourself that he's ever been alive. It's hard to think that not so very many years ago he was just a little boy tearing down the hill and flying a kite.”

She could not hold back the sob that choked her.

第三十八章

第二天，威廷頓又在下午來(lái)到了小平房，坐了一會(huì)兒后，他問(wèn)凱蒂是否愿意跟他出去散散步。自從來(lái)到這里以后，凱蒂還沒(méi)出過(guò)這個(gè)院落，她很高興地接受了邀請(qǐng)。

“恐怕我們不能走得太遠(yuǎn)?！彼f(shuō)道，“但我們可以走到山頂上?！?/p>

“哦，是的，那兒有個(gè)拱門(mén)，我經(jīng)常從門(mén)廊那兒望它?！?/p>

一個(gè)仆人為他們打開(kāi)了沉重的鐵門(mén)，他們走上了一條布滿(mǎn)灰塵的小路，剛走出幾碼遠(yuǎn)，凱蒂突然驚恐地抓住了威廷頓的胳膊，發(fā)出一聲驚叫。

“快看！”

“怎么了？”

在圍著院落的墻角下，躺著一個(gè)男人，雙腿伸展著，胳膊也伸直過(guò)頭，穿著打滿(mǎn)補(bǔ)丁的藍(lán)色布褂，亂蓬蓬的頭發(fā)很長(zhǎng)，像是一個(gè)乞丐。

“看上去，他好像已經(jīng)死了?！眲P蒂上氣不接下氣地說(shuō)。

“是死了，從旁邊走，最好眼睛看著別處，我們回來(lái)的時(shí)候，我會(huì)讓人把他抬走?！?/p>

但是凱蒂渾身顫抖得很厲害，她都挪不動(dòng)步了。

“我以前從來(lái)沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)死人?！?/p>

“你最好還是盡快適應(yīng)，因?yàn)槟阍谶@個(gè)地方真正安頓下來(lái)之前，會(huì)看到很多的死人?！?/p>

他拉起她的手，把它放到臂彎里，他們沉默地走了一會(huì)兒。

“他是死于霍亂嗎？”她最后忍不住開(kāi)口問(wèn)道。

“我想是的?！?/p>

他們爬到了山頂，來(lái)到了牌坊前，牌坊上雕刻了很多圖案，高大巍峨，但具有諷刺意味的是在周?chē)泥l(xiāng)間顯得很不協(xié)調(diào)，它矗立在那兒看上去好像一個(gè)地標(biāo)。他們?cè)谑A上坐下來(lái)，面朝著山下寬闊的平地。小山緊挨著一小塊綠色的墳地，沒(méi)有成排排列，而是散亂地東一座、西一座地分布，讓你感覺(jué)到在墳丘的下面，尸骨也是奇怪地堆在一起。狹窄的田埂道在綠油油的稻田中間蜿蜒曲折地延展，一個(gè)小男孩正坐在水牛背上，趕著它慢慢地走回家，而三個(gè)戴著寬大草帽的農(nóng)民，背著沉重的東西，邁著搖搖晃晃的步伐緩緩地跟在后面。正午的熱氣已經(jīng)散去，傍晚在山頂上有一陣微風(fēng)吹來(lái)，下面廣闊的農(nóng)田似乎給人一種安詳?shù)母杏X(jué)，但對(duì)于受到折磨的心靈來(lái)說(shuō)，也不乏憂(yōu)郁的氣息。然而，凱蒂的腦海中，那個(gè)死去的乞丐的形象總是揮之不去。

“在你身邊人們紛紛死去的時(shí)候，你怎么還能聊天、說(shuō)笑和大口喝威士忌呢？”她突然問(wèn)道。

威廷頓沒(méi)有回答，他轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身看著她，然后把手放到她的手臂上。

“你知道，這兒不是女人待的地方?！彼麌?yán)肅地說(shuō)道，“你為什么不走呢？”

她從長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的睫毛下睨視了他一眼，嘴角露出了一絲微笑。

“我想在當(dāng)前的情景下，一個(gè)妻子應(yīng)該待的地方是她丈夫的身邊?！?/p>

“當(dāng)他們給我發(fā)電報(bào)說(shuō)你和沃爾特一起過(guò)來(lái)，我當(dāng)時(shí)真的很吃驚?？墒呛髞?lái)我想你可能是一名護(hù)士，或者對(duì)這兒的工作能幫上忙，我希望你是個(gè)板著面孔的女醫(yī)生，當(dāng)有人生病住院時(shí)，你會(huì)讓他們的日子不好受?？僧?dāng)我走進(jìn)平房第一眼看見(jiàn)你坐在那兒休息時(shí)，讓我大吃一驚，你看上去那么的纖弱、蒼白和疲憊?！?/p>

“經(jīng)過(guò)九天的長(zhǎng)途跋涉，你不能指望我還是精神煥發(fā)呀?！?/p>

“你現(xiàn)在看上去也依然纖弱、蒼白和疲憊。如果你能允許我說(shuō)實(shí)話，再加上，看上去十分的不幸?！?/p>

凱蒂禁不住臉紅了，但是她勉強(qiáng)笑了一聲，聽(tīng)上去好像還算快樂(lè)。

“很抱歉你會(huì)不喜歡我的解釋的，我看上去不快樂(lè)的唯一原因就是在我十二歲時(shí)，我知道我的鼻子有點(diǎn)兒太長(zhǎng)了，但是懷揣這么一個(gè)秘密的悲傷，也是最有效的一招，你無(wú)法想象有多少年輕的滿(mǎn)嘴甜言蜜語(yǔ)的男人想要安慰我?！?/p>

威廷頓用藍(lán)色的閃亮的眼睛盯著她，她知道他其實(shí)并不相信她的話，只要他不當(dāng)場(chǎng)拆穿，她倒是并不在意。

“我知道你結(jié)婚的時(shí)間并不長(zhǎng)，我得出的結(jié)論是你和你的丈夫彼此瘋狂地愛(ài)著對(duì)方，我無(wú)法相信他會(huì)希望你一起來(lái)。但是，也許你斬釘截鐵地拒絕和他分開(kāi)，獨(dú)自留下來(lái)。”

“這倒是一個(gè)非常講得通的理由?！彼p快地說(shuō)道。

“是的，但這不是真正的原因?！?/p>

她等著他繼續(xù)說(shuō)下去，但又害怕他要說(shuō)出的話，因?yàn)樗浅Ｇ宄芫?，也知道他直言不諱。然而，她還是無(wú)法抵抗住那種想聽(tīng)聽(tīng)他到底如何談?wù)撍恼T惑。

“我一點(diǎn)兒也不相信你愛(ài)你丈夫，我覺(jué)得你不喜歡他，如果說(shuō)你討厭他，我也不會(huì)驚奇，但是我敢肯定你怕他。”

有那么一會(huì)兒，她看著別處，她并不打算讓威廷頓看出他說(shuō)的話影響到了她。

“你懷疑我不是很喜歡我丈夫。”她略帶挖苦地說(shuō)道。

“我尊重他，他有思想也有個(gè)性，而且，我可以告訴你，這兩種特征結(jié)合到一個(gè)人身上很不尋常。我認(rèn)為你不知道他在這兒每天都在干什么，因?yàn)槲矣X(jué)得他很少跟你交流。如果需要有人單槍匹馬制止這場(chǎng)可怕的瘟疫，他一定會(huì)義無(wú)反顧地沖上陣。他為病人治療，為整個(gè)城鎮(zhèn)消毒，竭力使飲用水清潔。他不介意去任何地方，也不介意做任何事情，一天有二十次要冒著生命危險(xiǎn)，他已經(jīng)把余上校收入麾下，余上校對(duì)他言聽(tīng)計(jì)從，他力勸余上校要嚴(yán)肅軍紀(jì)。他甚至給地方主官也增添了勇氣，讓這位上了歲數(shù)的老人也真的想方設(shè)法做點(diǎn)兒事了。修道院的修女們?cè)谒磉叾及l(fā)誓哪怕做出犧牲，也要治病救人。他們把他看作英雄?！?/p>

“你難道不把他看作英雄嗎？”

“畢竟這些不是他的工作，不是嗎？他是一名細(xì)菌學(xué)家，沒(méi)人讓他來(lái)這兒，他沒(méi)讓我覺(jué)得他是出于對(duì)所有垂死的人的同情心才來(lái)這兒的。魏特森不一樣，他熱愛(ài)蕓蕓眾生，雖然他是個(gè)傳教士，但在他的眼中，無(wú)論是天主教徒、佛教徒或者信奉儒家思想的人都沒(méi)有什么不同，他們都是人類(lèi)。你的丈夫不是因?yàn)樗P(guān)心是否有成百上千的人死于霍亂才來(lái)這個(gè)地方的，也不是因?yàn)樗鲇趯?duì)科學(xué)的興趣，那么為什么他會(huì)來(lái)這兒呢？”

“你最好去問(wèn)他?！?/p>

“讓我感興趣的是看到你們兩個(gè)在一起，我有時(shí)很好奇，你們倆單獨(dú)在一起時(shí)，會(huì)是什么樣子。我在這兒的時(shí)候，你在表演，你們倆都在表演，但演技差極了，的確是這樣。如果一個(gè)巡演劇團(tuán)雇用了你倆，你們使出九牛二虎之力一周也掙不了三十個(gè)先令?！?/p>

“我不知道你這話是什么意思。”凱蒂笑著說(shuō)，好像威廷頓在說(shuō)一件輕松的樂(lè)事，但她心里明白，他所言非虛。

“你是個(gè)非常漂亮的女人，但你丈夫都不正眼瞧你一眼，這挺好笑。當(dāng)他跟你說(shuō)話時(shí)，聽(tīng)上去好像都不是他自己的聲音，而是別人的聲音?！?/p>

“你認(rèn)為他不愛(ài)我嗎？”凱蒂用低沉、沙啞的聲音問(wèn)道，剛才那種輕松的口吻突然不見(jiàn)了。

“我不知道，我不清楚是否你讓他心里充滿(mǎn)了厭惡，以致當(dāng)他靠近你時(shí)，都會(huì)起雞皮疙瘩?；蛘叱鲇谀撤N原因，他內(nèi)心雖然炙熱地愛(ài)著你，但并不顯露出來(lái)。我對(duì)自己說(shuō)，你們兩個(gè)來(lái)這兒是不是要相約自殺。”

凱蒂曾經(jīng)看到過(guò)威廷頓驚奇的目光，就是當(dāng)吃沙拉的小插曲發(fā)生的時(shí)候，他向他倆投來(lái)的審視目光。

“我認(rèn)為你把太多的重要性賦予那些生菜葉子了?！彼仆坏卣f(shuō)道，而且站起身來(lái)，“我們能回去了嗎？我敢肯定你想喝威士忌加蘇打水了?！?/p>

“無(wú)論如何你都不是個(gè)女中豪杰，你嚇得要死，你確定你不想離開(kāi)這兒?jiǎn)?？?/p>

“這跟你有什么關(guān)系嗎？”

“我會(huì)幫你?！?/p>

“你會(huì)沒(méi)有注意到讓我暗自神傷的外貌嗎？看一下我的臉型，告訴我是否我的鼻子并不是太長(zhǎng)呀。”

他若有所思地凝視著她，在他明亮的眼中能夠看出惡作劇般的嘲弄的神色，但是背后是一種善意，就像河岸邊矗立的一棵樹(shù)，在水中可以看見(jiàn)倒影一樣，在他的眼里還可以看見(jiàn)由衷的熱心，這使得淚水突然在凱蒂的眼眶中打轉(zhuǎn)轉(zhuǎn)。

“你必須留下來(lái)嗎？”

“是的?！?/p>

他們從華麗壯觀的牌坊下穿過(guò)，向著山下走去。當(dāng)他們走到院落的跟前時(shí)，又看到了那具乞丐的尸體。他拽著她的胳膊，但她掙脫了，靜靜地站立在那兒。

“太可怕了，不是嗎？”

“你說(shuō)什么？死亡嗎？”

“是的，它使得一切都似乎顯得那么微不足道，他看上去都不像個(gè)人，當(dāng)你看著他時(shí)，你幾乎都無(wú)法說(shuō)服你自己他曾是個(gè)活生生的人，更難以想象就在沒(méi)幾年前，他還是個(gè)小男孩時(shí)，沿著下山的路猛跑，在放著風(fēng)箏?！?/p>

她哽咽著，不能自已。