Fru Adelheid stood on the balcony. She plucked the red fowers and threw them into the square below. She wore a long, white gown; her gloves and her white boa lay on the ground. She had just come from the theatre and had been bored.
Now she turned towards the room.
Cordt sat huddled together before the fireplace and stared in front of him. She wanted to see his face and called to him. He pushed back his chair and looked up:
“I was thinking of the play we have been to see,”he said.
“Yes, it was stupid.”
She drew the other chair over the foor, so that she could look at the jar with the naked man writhing through thorns.
“There was a time when I was tired of law,”said Cordt.“I was glad when the poet showed me a marriage that was broken for love. I used to think that people grew greater through it and that Heaven seemed higher and earth more green.”
She shuddered again and wrapped her skirt closer about her feet.
“Now I am so tired of lawlessness. I loathe these women and their lovers.”
“You are married yourself now,”she answered.
“What do you say?”
He looked up. She could see that he had not caught her words and she was glad.
“There must be a struggle, no doubt,”she said.
“Of course there must. There is. In the old days, they were not allowed to come together and now they are not allowed to stay together.”
She said nothing, but let her hand glide over the jar.
“All these faithless wives have lowered love. I could imagine a woman of refnement stifing her love, because she would not give it scope.”
“Because she was afraid.”
“Because she was refned.”
They sat silent for a time and looked at the live embers in the white ashes.
“Do you think there are many who do that?”
He looked up.
“Do you think there are many faithless wives?”
“I don't know. Why shouldn't there be?”
He leant his head on his hands. Fru Adelheid played with the jar.
“But I can't understand that people care to go to the theatre.”
“Where would you have them go?”
He pushed back his chair so that he could see her. She remained sitting as she sat and thought of nothing.
“Adelheid,”he said,“I suppose you wouldn't care to stay at home to-night?”
She lay back in her chair and looked at her hands.
“Oh,”she said,“I wanted to go out to supper.”
“I should so much like to talk to you.”
“But I did come home from the theatre, dear,”she replied and put out her hand to him.
He did not see it and she let it fall.
“I would rather have stayed at home after the theatre, Adelheid.”
“Yes, I see,”she answered and just shrugged her shoulders.“I did not understand.”
“But you understood it in the theatre. And now you want to sup out all the same.”
He bent over to her to catch her eyes. She said nothing and did not look at him.
“Adelheid.”
Fru Adelheid knit her brow:
“I don't go to the theatre, you see, for the sake of the play,”she said.“That does not amuse me. But it amuses me to watch that sea of people and to hear them clamor and then fall silent. I like the way they clap and the way they are quite still when anything good is being said on the stage. Then something sings inside me and I enjoy it.”
He looked at her for a moment; then he laughed and rubbed his hands. Fru Adelheid turned her chair towards him, so close that her knees touched his:
“What is it that you wanted to talk to me about this evening?”she asked.“That couldn't be postponed until the theatre was over? That couldn't wait for an hour, now that I feel like going out to supper?”
He looked at her and shook his head.
“Was it anything? Or were you only tired and empty, as I was…and as the faithless wives are…and the modern poets and…and everybody?”
“No, Adelheid,”he said.“No. It was nothing. Nothing at all.”
“I don't know what you mean,”she said and suddenly flung herself violently back in her chair.“There is something behind your words.”
Cordt nodded.
“You are angry with me. What is it that I do? We live no differently, that I know of, from other people in our circle. We travel, we go to the theatre, we go out and we receive our friends at home. We meet amusing people, artists…everybody who is anybody.”
“Are you always amused among amusing people?”
She looked at him a little doubtfully:
“There is no such thing as always anywhere.”
“No,”he said,“more's the pity. There is not.”
They sat silent, both steeped in thought. Then he pushed his hair from his forehead and said, calmly:
“Try if you can understand me, Adelheid. When a woman marries and becomes a mother, she usually becomes quiet…quieter, I mean. I mean that there are victories which she cannot win, triumphs which she cannot achieve…which she does not trouble about. She does not trouble about them, Adelheid, because she has deepened her life…because she has come so near to one man that the approach of other men is distasteful to her. Then she becomes quiet…quieter. And this quietness is not empty, but just richer than all the rest.”
She looked at him with a strangely inquisitive fash in her angry eyes:
“Are you jealous?”she asked.
He shook his head and made a gesture of denial with his hand. But she sprang from her chair and stood before him with great, proud eyes:
“You ought to be, Cordt,”she said.“You ought to be. I am yours and I love you. You won me once: see to it that you know how to keep me. Fight for me, Cordt. I am young, I am pretty and the world is full of men.”
He rose deliberately and looked at her till she thought for a moment that he would strike her.
“You will be twenty-six next month,”he said.“And, besides, we in our family don't fght to keep our wives.”
“Cordt.”
She sat down without knowing what she was doing. He looked at her and she looked back at him. She could not help thinking how tall he was; and how easily he wore his clothes; and that one of his shoulders was a little lower than the other.
Then he crossed the room, so quickly that he nearly tripped over the carpet. He struggled with the old spinning-wheel and pulled it over the foor. She followed him with her eyes.
“Can you spin on my great-grandmother's wheel, Adelheid?”he asked.
She crossed her arms on her breast and looked at him.
“Can't you, Adelheid? Couldn't you learn? Not if I begged you to?”
He pulled the spinning-wheel right in front of her and placed it as if she were to use it then and there. Then he sat down in his chair again.
“Don't you think you could, Adelheid?”
They looked hard at each other. Then they became timid and shy and dropped their eyes.
They both thought of holding out their hands, but neither could see the other's. They longed to throw themselves into each other's arms, but they sat as stiff as statues. Their lips trembled; but they did not look at each other and neither knew anything of the other's thought.
“I am thinking how very small we look in these big chairs,”he said, at last.
His voice was calm and she grew quite calm at once. It was all over; there was peace in their souls. It was not a reconciliation, for they remembered no quarrel. Their glances rested confdently upon each other.
There was nothing between them and they were friends.
“I wonder if we are inferior to those who sat here before us,”she said.“Different, yes; but inferior?”
They both rose.
“Much inferior,”said Cordt,“and much less happy.”
They crossed the room and went out on the balcony, as was their custom before they went to bed.
The stars of the September night rode in a high sky. Most of the lamps were extinguished and there were but few people in the square. A drunken man was singing far away. The sound of the water falling in the fountain swelled up in the silence.
“How beautiful it is here!”he said.
“Yes.”
“And now the summer nights are over and we have not enjoyedthem.”
She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
“I do not think that in the whole world there is a square so pretty as this,”he said.
“Oh, yes…in Florence…”
He sighed and led her into the room:
“We have travelled too much, Adelheid.”
She crossed the foor quickly and opened the door. He remained standing on the balcony.
It had all seethed up in him again. He fought against it, but to no purpose.
“Are you coming, Cordt?”
She was outside in the passage and could not see him.
“Do you go…I will come presently.”
He forced his voice to be as calm as possible, but it sounded very unnatural in his own ears. He stood quite still and listened. She remained standing for a moment, as though she were considering.
Then she closed the door and went. He could hear that she went hurriedly.
阿德爾海德站在陽臺(tái)上。她摘下紅色的花朵,然后扔向下面的廣場(chǎng)。她穿著長長的白色禮服,手套和白色的圍巾擱在地上。剛剛從劇院回來的她,感到非常無聊。
阿德爾海德轉(zhuǎn)向屋子。
科特縮成一團(tuán)坐在壁爐前,眼睛盯著前方。阿德爾海德想看看科特的臉,于是喊了他的名字。科特向后推了推他的椅子,抬頭看了看。
“我正在回想我們剛剛看的戲劇。”他說。
“沒錯(cuò),這戲太愚蠢了?!?/p>
阿德爾海德拽了拽另外一把椅子,這樣她就能看到那個(gè)畫著在荊棘中扭動(dòng)的裸體男人的壇子。
“曾經(jīng)有段時(shí)間,我非常厭煩法律,”科特說,“當(dāng)詩人讓我看到為了愛情而沖破婚姻的束縛時(shí),我很開心。我曾以為通過愛,人們會(huì)變得更偉大,天堂會(huì)變得更高遠(yuǎn),大地看起來更郁郁蔥蔥?!?/p>
她又打了個(gè)寒戰(zhàn),用裙子緊緊地包裹住她的腳踝。
“現(xiàn)在我非常厭煩無法無天的行為。我憎恨那些女人和她們的情人。”
“你現(xiàn)在也結(jié)婚了?!彼卮?。
“你說什么?”
科特抬起頭。阿德爾海德能看出來,科特并沒有聽到她剛才說的話,她為此感到欣慰。
“肯定是有掙扎的,毫無疑問?!卑⒌聽柡5抡f。
“當(dāng)然,肯定有。有的。在過去,他們走到一起是不被允許的,而現(xiàn)在他們不被允許住在一起?!?/p>
阿德爾海德什么都沒說,但她的手卻慢慢地?fù)徇^那壇子。
“所有不忠貞的妻子都玷污了愛情。我能想象一個(gè)風(fēng)雅的女人如何扼殺她的愛,因?yàn)樗粫?huì)給這份愛任何生存的余地。”
“因?yàn)樗ε隆!?/p>
“因?yàn)樗L(fēng)雅。”
他們默默地坐了一會(huì)兒,盯著白色灰燼里的余火看。
“你覺得會(huì)有很多人那么做嗎?”
他抬起頭。
“你覺得有很多不忠貞的妻子嗎?”
“我不知道。為什么不會(huì)有?”
他把頭靠在手上。阿德爾海德把玩著那壇子。
“但我無法理解人們要去戲院?!?/p>
“那你讓他們?nèi)ツ膬海俊?/p>
科特向后推了推自己的椅子,以便能看到阿德爾海德。阿德爾海德一動(dòng)不動(dòng),腦子里一片空白。
“阿德爾海德,”科特說,“我想今晚你應(yīng)該不愿意待在家里吧?”
阿德爾海德躺回到椅子里,看著她自己的雙手。
“哦,我想出去吃晚飯?!?/p>
“可是我很想跟你聊天?!?/p>
“但我確實(shí)從劇院回到家里了,親愛的?!卑⒌聽柡5麓鸬溃瑫r(shí)把手伸向科特。
而科特沒有看到她的手,于是阿德爾海德把手放了下來。
“看完劇,我寧愿待在家里,阿德爾海德。”
“是的,我知道,”阿德爾海德答道,但她聳了聳肩,說,“可我無法理解?!?/p>
“但是在劇院你能理解,現(xiàn)在你又想去外面吃飯?!?/p>
科特向阿德爾海德俯下身,以便引起她的注意。阿德爾海德什么都不說,也不看他。
“阿德爾海德?!?/p>
阿德爾海德皺緊眉頭。
“你看,我去戲院從來不是為了看戲,”她說,“看戲?qū)τ谖襾碚f一點(diǎn)兒意思都沒有。但是,看那茫茫人海,聽他們一會(huì)兒喧鬧,一會(huì)兒安靜,我覺得十分有趣。我喜歡他們聽到臺(tái)上精彩的對(duì)白時(shí)而鼓掌喝彩,時(shí)而沉靜思考的樣子。然后我的內(nèi)心就會(huì)歡唱起來,這讓我很享受?!?/p>
科特看了阿德爾海德一會(huì)兒,然后搓著雙手大笑起來。阿德爾海德把椅子轉(zhuǎn)向科特,她的膝蓋幾乎可以碰到科特。
“關(guān)于今晚,你到底想對(duì)我說什么?”她問,“難道不能等到戲演完?不能再等上一小時(shí)?我現(xiàn)在想出去吃晚飯?!?/p>
科特看著她,搖了搖頭。
“到底是什么?或者你只是疲乏空虛,就跟我一樣,以及跟那些不忠的妻子一樣,還有那些現(xiàn)代詩人,還有……還有所有人?”
“不,阿德爾海德,”他說,“不。沒什么。什么都沒有。”
“我不知道你在說什么,”阿德爾海德突然狠狠地將自己拋回到椅子里,“你話里有話。”
科特點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。
“你在生我的氣。我做了什么?據(jù)我所知,我們跟圈子里的其他人沒什么兩樣地活著。我們旅行,我們?nèi)蛟海覀內(nèi)グ菰L朋友,我們?cè)谧约杭依锝哟笥?,我們?nèi)ソY(jié)識(shí)有意思的人,藝術(shù)家……以及任何是個(gè)人物的人?!?/p>
“在這些有趣的人中間,你總會(huì)感到開心嗎?”
阿德爾海德看著科特,帶著些疑惑不解,“沒有‘總是’這樣的事。”
“是的,”科特說,“的確沒有‘總是’這樣的事情,所以就更值得憐憫?!?/p>
他們靜靜地坐著,陷入沉思。然后,科特捋了捋他額頭的頭發(fā),平靜地說:
“請(qǐng)你試著理解我,阿德爾海德。當(dāng)一個(gè)女人出嫁,成為一個(gè)母親,她通常會(huì)變得沉靜。我是說,沉靜一點(diǎn)兒。我的意思是,這世界上有女人無法贏得的勝利和無法獲取的成就。一個(gè)已是母親的女人不會(huì)為此煩惱。她不會(huì)想要試圖征服這些,阿德爾海德,因?yàn)樗呀?jīng)升華了自己的生命,因?yàn)樗呀?jīng)屬于一個(gè)男人,任何接觸其他男人的想法都讓她感到厭惡。這樣她就會(huì)變得沉靜……更加沉靜。而這種沉靜并不是空虛,它比其他任何感情都要豐富。”
阿德爾海德看著科特,她那憤怒的眼睛中閃爍著陌生而好奇的光芒。
“你嫉妒了嗎?”她問。
科特?fù)u了搖頭,比了一個(gè)否定的手勢(shì)。阿德爾海德從椅子里突然起來,站到科特面前,怒目圓睜,驕傲地說:
“你應(yīng)該嫉妒,科特,你應(yīng)該嫉妒。我是你的,而且我愛你。你曾贏得了我;但請(qǐng)你確保你知道如何一直擁有我。為我而戰(zhàn),科特。我還年輕,我很漂亮,這個(gè)世界上的男人多得是?!?/p>
科特不緊不慢地站了起來,一直看著阿德爾海德,阿德爾海德一度認(rèn)為科特會(huì)伸手打她。
“下個(gè)月你就二十六歲了,”他說,“而且,我們家族的人不會(huì)為了保住自己的老婆而戰(zhàn)斗?!?/p>
“科特!”
阿德爾海德坐了下來,腦袋一片空白??铺赝餐铺?。她禁不住想科特好高啊,科特非常輕易地就能穿上他的衣服,還有就是科特的一個(gè)肩膀比另外一個(gè)低一些。
科特穿過房間,他走得太快差點(diǎn)兒被地毯絆倒。然后他費(fèi)力地?cái)[弄著老紡車,把它拉了過來。這期間,阿德爾海德一直注視著他。
“你會(huì)使用我曾奶奶的紡紗車嗎,阿德爾海德?”科特問道。
阿德爾海德兩只胳膊交叉在胸前,望著科特。
“難道你不會(huì),阿德爾海德?那你不能學(xué)一學(xué)嗎?如果我求你,你都不肯嗎?”
科特把紡車徑直拉到阿德爾海德面前擺放好,就如同阿德爾海德要立刻使用這紡車一樣。做完這些后,科特又坐回到他的椅子里。
“你不覺得你能行嗎,阿德爾海德?”
他們狠狠地直視對(duì)方。但不久,兩人都有點(diǎn)兒尷尬,低下了頭。
他們都想伸出手,但又不肯先做出這樣的舉動(dòng)。兩人渴望投入對(duì)方的懷抱,但卻都坐得如同雕塑般一動(dòng)不動(dòng)。他們的嘴巴顫抖,但他們拒絕抬頭看看對(duì)方,因此也并不知道對(duì)方心里想著什么。
“我在想,在這些大椅子里我們看起來這么渺小。”科特最終說。
他的聲音非常冷靜,阿德爾海德也立刻冷靜下來。結(jié)束了,他們的靈魂重新平靜。這不能算作和解,因?yàn)樗麄兏静挥浀萌魏螤?zhēng)吵。他們信任地看著彼此。沒有任何芥蒂,他們又重歸于好了。
“我在想,我們是不是比不上我們之前曾坐在這里的人,”阿德爾海德說,“不同,是的。但是會(huì)比不上嗎?”
兩人都站了起來。
“差很遠(yuǎn)吧,”科特說,“而且遠(yuǎn)不如他們快樂?!?/p>
他們穿過房間,走到陽臺(tái)上,這是他們睡覺之前的習(xí)慣。
九月夜晚的星空格外高遠(yuǎn)。大部分的路燈都已熄滅,廣場(chǎng)上人煙稀少。一個(gè)酒鬼在遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的地方唱著歌。噴泉里流水的聲音在寂靜的夜里顯得格外清晰。
“這里好美!”科特說。
“是的?!?/p>
“夏夜馬上就結(jié)束了,而我們還沒來得及享受?!?/p>
她把頭靠在他的肩上,然后閉上了眼。
“我想世界上再?zèng)]有一個(gè)廣場(chǎng)如此美麗了?!笨铺卣f。
“哦,是有的,在佛羅倫薩?!?/p>
科特嘆了口氣,把她帶進(jìn)了屋子,“我們旅行得太多啦,阿德爾海德?!?/p>
她迅速地離開,打開房門,而科特還在陽臺(tái)上站著。
那股怒氣重新在科特的胸中凝聚。他想將其平息,但毫無效果。
“你進(jìn)來嗎,科特?”
阿德爾海德站在走廊上看不到科特的位置。
“走你的吧……我一會(huì)兒就過來。”
科特努力使自己的聲音聽起來盡可能平靜,但是即便在他自己的耳朵里,聽起來都非常不自然。他靜靜地站著,聽著走廊上的動(dòng)靜。阿德爾海德站了一會(huì)兒,好像在考慮什么。
然后她關(guān)上了門,離開了??铺啬苈牫鰜?,她走得很急。
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