成長的煩惱第二季Growing Pains 222
Host: Tonight, some lucky contestant will walk out of here with fame, fortune, and the total
respect of the journalism community!!! Yes, it's time for the Pulitzer Prize!!! And here are our
contestants; from the "Washington Post", Woodward and Bernstein!!!
Crowd: Yeah!!!!
Host: From his retirement home in Martha's Vineyard! You know him, you love him, and boy
do you trust him??!! Walter Cronkheit!!
Crowd: Yeah!!!
Host: Then, from the "Long Island Daily Herald", Maggie Seaver!!!
Maggie: Woooo!!
Crowd: Who?
Host: Maggie Seaver!!
Crowd: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Maggie: Jason, what's going on?
Jason: What were you thinking Maggie? I mean, Woodward and Bernstein, Walter Cronkheit!
You're not in their league. Ha! Be thankful you have a job! Ha ha.
Maggie: Jason, why are you talking to me like this?
Jason: Don't ask me Maggie. It's your dream. I mean look at this! Would I wear polka dots?
Ha Ha!!
(Maggie wakes up)
Maggie: Jason! Jason! Jason!
Jason: Maggie! What is it? Maggie!!
Maggie: Jason?
Jason: Yes, it's Jason, honey.
Maggie: Oh, honey, I just had the weirdest...the scariest dream!! I was a chicken, and I was
nominated for the Pulitzer Prize with Walter Cronkheit and Woodward and Bernstein, but then
everybody started laughing at me and making fun, and I felt terrible!!!
Jason: You were a chicken?
Maggie: Even you were cruel to me.
Jason: Honey, I know what this is. I have this...
Maggie: Won't you even apologize?
Jason: For what?
Maggie: For being so cruel!
Jason: Honey, it was your dream.
Maggie: That's exactly what you said in my dream! And I didn't buy it then either!!
Jason: I'm sorry.
Maggie: That's better.
Jason: Honey, dreams are just little messages from your subconscious. You have to think of
it as being sent little telegrams.
Maggie: So, what's the message?
Jason: Well, alright. We went to the Journalism Awards Dinner last night, and you didn't win
anything.
Maggie: Yeah?
Jason: So, you're afraid that, well that means, you're not a good reporter.
Maggie: Jason! I am certainly not afraid I am a good reporter.
Jason: I know.
Maggie: I mean, a bad reporter!
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: And, it doesn't matter to me one little bit that I was over-looked for the second year
in a row.
Jason: No.
Maggie: What do I need a silly little Long Island Journalism Award for? Huh?
Jason: Mmmm.
Maggie: Afraid I'm a bad reporter!!
Jason: Mmm.
Maggie: What kind of a crack is that?
Jason: Mr. Whattney, I can't help you if you don't communicate.
Patient: If I tell you things, how do I know you won't turn around and sell it...to Sixty
minutes?
Jason: The patient-Doctor relationship is practically sacred. I've never violated it, and I never
will.
Patient: OK. I'll tell you everything.
Jason: Well, I'm sorry, your time's up.
Patient: Great!
Jason: You know, Mr. Whattney, one of these weeks we're gonna have to get around to why
you're here.
Patient: Yeah right! Right! Right! Next week, I promise.
Answer phone: (Maggie) Hi honey, it's me. Call me the second you're through with your
patient. No wait; put down the phone and listen! I said listen! Now, remember the keynote
speaker at the Journalism Awards banquet last night?
Jason: Max Drummond.
Answer phone: (Maggie) Max Drummond! That's right!! Anyway, out of the blue, he calls me
and says he thinks I'm talented and ready for the big time. Then he offers me a job on his
paper. Jason! Me, running for the "New York Clarion"!! Isn't that fantastic? Well isn't it?
Jason: Yeah!
Answer phone: I thought so too. Well when I could finally talk, I told him I needed some time
to think it over, and of course to talk to you. Then he said he wanted you and me to have
dinner tonight with him and his wife. He said he'd like to get to know us socially. Isn't this
exciting? Bye, sweetheart. Well don't just sit there. Call me!
Jason: Come on Maggie! We gotta be in Manhattan by Eight!
Maggie: What do you think?
Jason: If this guy doesn't hire you, I will.
Maggie: Oh Jason, why wouldn't he hire me?
Jason: Well, I'm sure he...
Maggie: But, then again, why would he hire me?
Jason: He's gotta know that...
Maggie: Maybe there isn't a job. Maybe this is all the same bad dream!
Jason: Honey, relax. If this were a dream, I'd be wearing more comfortable shoes.
Maggie: No, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm just being a big chicken! That's why I was a chicken in
my dream.
Jason: Will you forget that dream? You're a talented experienced reporter...who just happens
to lay eggs.
Maggie: You're right.
Jason: I hope not.
Maggie: I mean I must know what I'm doing. I mean why else would a New York City editor
want to hire me?
Jason: Right.
Maggie: Thank you.
Jason: It's about time you tuned into what everybody else already knows...and that is, how
totally terrific you are.
Mike: Dad, get that woman out of here! Mom's upstairs! Wait a second. Is that hot, sexy babe,
Mom?
Maggie: Isn't he sweet?
Jason: Among other things. Carol! Ben! We're leaving!
Mike: Alright.
Ben: Good luck!
Carol: Break a leg!
Mike: Yeah, you guys have fun. And don't worry, we'll keep Carol in line.
Maggie: Bye bye guys.
Mike, Carol and Ben: Bye!! Good luck.
Ben: Ice cream!!!
Carol: We'll keep Carol in line??
Mike: Yeah, come on! I mean, we know what a nutty trouble maker you are!!
Carol: Me? Who's the one who's always training up around here, huh? Who's the one who's
always telling you to get your smelly tennis shoes off the couch?
Mike: Oh, ah, don't forget the other one Carol.
Carol: Oh, I won't. Here, catch.
(She breaks a vase with her throw.)
Ben: I didn't do it!!
Waiter: Monsieur et Madame, Drummond should be along shortly. Bon Appetit!
Maggie and Jason: Thank you.
Maggie: Wow. When they hired me at the "Herald" all they bought me was Chicken McNuggets.
Hey, that's what my dream was about...
Jason: Maggie! If you love me, you'll forget that dream. Hey, relax sweetheart. You're good at
what you do.
Maggie: Oh honey, you're right. You know, I do belong here.
Drummond: Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Oh, don't you look just lovely?
Maggie: Thank you. This is my husband...
Drummond: Jason.
Jason: Yeah.
Drummond: We met at the Long Island Press Awards.
Jason: Yes. I enjoyed your speech.
Drummond: Of course. Sit, sit, sit.
Waiter: Monsieur Drummond.
Drummond: Oh. Excuse me. Drummond! Talk! Yeah, well tell the Senator, we're gonna go with
the story that's written. I run this newspaper. Well, we can play hard ball too. Yeah. Do you
mind if I take a second just to clear my head? Ah, well, I promise you, that is the last business
interruption for the evening. Maggie, you have my undivided attention.
Maggie: Well, Jason and I were just saying what a lovely restaurant...
Jason: This is...
Drummond: Maggie, let me get right to the point. I want you! I need you! And I'm not gonna
let you go till you say yes.
Maggie: Well, Max, you’re overwhelming.
Margo: Sorry, shiny nose.
Drummond: This is my lovely wife, Margo. This is Maggie, and Jason Seaver.
Margo: Oh, my goodness.
Drummond: You two know each other?
Margo: Well, doesn't Jason look exactly like my brother, Bill?
Drummond: Your brother looks like B. Arthur.
Jason: A lot of guys look like B. Arthur.
Drummond: Well, now that we got that all straightened out, why don't we just sit down and
relax, and enjoy the rest of the evening? Maggie, do you have that answer for me yet?
Maggie: I'm thinking. I think better when I dance.
Jason: Ye...
Drummond: Me too!
Maggie: Oh, OK.
Margo: Small world, huh, Doctor?
Jason: Very.
Margo: I use my maiden name in our sessions, cos Max is kind o' famous. Max would have a
fit if he knew I told anybody, he's the sleaziest, two-timing, skirt-chaser he is.
Jason: Well, I may have a fit myself.
Margo: Oh God! I just realized, everything I told you, you could tell your wife, and she could
tell...
Jason: No, no, I can't tell anybody. What goes on between you and I, patient to doctor, is
strictly confidential.
Margo: Good. No, bad. If your wife actually believes that my husband wants to hire her for her
talent, he's got her hooked.
Waiter: Would you like to hear the catch of the day?
Jason (in his mind): I think I'm married to her.
Mike: Say Ben, wasn't this Mom's brand-new lamp?
Ben: I'm just glad I was in the kitchen when Carol tried trashed it.
Carol: Would you guys shut up.
Mike: You know, you'd figure Carol would know how to use something called "Goofy Glue."
Ben: I think she needs some Nerd Glue!
Mike: Alright Ben!
Ben: Come on!
Carol: OK, OK, here's the deal; you two are gonna help me glue this back together again. I'll
put it another way; when Mom and Dad come home and see this broken lamp, who do you
think they'll believe did it?
Mike: Oh, sure, fine, blame little Ben.
Ben: Hey!
Carol: And whenever Ben gets in trouble, who do they always say is the bad example?
Mike: Hey! Come on, you wouldn't lie to 'em would you?
Carol: Oh, I would, and I'd enjoy it.
Mike: Anything for our little sis.
Drummond: Was that a "yes" I heard?
Maggie: No, not yet anyway. Max, what makes you think I'm ready for the New York Clarion?
Drummond: Well, I can tell from your writing.
Maggie: And what does my writing tell you?
Drummond: Oh, your writing tells me, that you're very talented, mature, fairly self confident,
with absolutely no doubts about who you are or where you're headed; am I right?
Maggie: Oh, I'm... Pretty close.
Margo: Is that enough to make you puke, or what? Oh, he's subtle, very subtle. Right about
now, he's telling her how much he admires her work and how much that reflects on her as a
person.
Jason: My wife is a very smart woman.
Margo: Oh I'm sorry.
Jason: You know, we shouldn't even be discussing this. This is very awkward for me.
Margo: No, you're right, you're right. Oh, I'm sure your wife is much more together than that.
I mean, a week after she's hired, he'll hit on her, she'll turn him down, and he'll give her the
axe. I bet that makes you feel a lot better.
Jason: Oh, much.
Margo: Maybe I should charge you for a change. I think I'll go to the powder room; I can only
take a little of this at a time.
Jason (in his mind): And, I can't warn Maggie. I can't say anything.
Mike: Oh, perfect.
Carol: It isn't bad. Do you think it'll hold?
Mike: What! Are you kidding? On the commercial this stuff holds five elephants over the Grand
Canyon.
Ben: Yeah, and they don't put anything on TV that isn't true.
Carol: Well, we're in the clear now. You two clean up the mess.
Mike: Ha. Carol, if I'd clean up the mess round here, you'd probably find yourself standing in a
trash can out by the curb.
Carol: Come on Ben, get up.
Ben: I can't. I'm stuck!
Mike: You're kidding, right?
Carol: No, he isn't!
Ben: Arrgghh!
Mike: What are you screaming about?
Ben: I don't know, I've never been glued to a table before!
Mike: Oh my God. Alright, put your hands round my neck, and when I pull on you, I'll throw
your weight towards me, OK?
Ben: OK.
Mike: Ready? One! Two! Three! Ahh! Oh no! No! No! What are we gonna do now?
Drummond: Did I tell you the number of Pulitzer Prize winning writers on the Clarion?
Maggie: Oh, no.
Drummond: Well, you'll have to wait till I have a chat with the chef. I have a very special
dinner planned.
Jason (in his mind): Yeah, with Maggie as dessert
Maggie: Oh Jason, is this the most fantastic night, or am I dreaming?
Jason: Are these the only two choices?
Maggie: You cannot believe how much Max wants me.
Jason: Oh, yes I can.
Maggie: He says he has a very exciting position in line for me. And I wouldn't be doing cute
little stories like they do at the Herald. I'd finally for the first time get to do hard news...real
news...crime...corruption...
Jason: Murder?
Maggie: If I'm lucky.
Jason (in his mind): Maggie, how can I tell you, without telling you?
Maggie: Well, what do you think?
Jason: Well, honey, I think, you should think.
Maggie: That's it? I'd get better advice from a Fortune Cookie.
Jason: Well, I mean, I think that you've...err... You've got to carefully weigh all of the
possibilities here.
Maggie: Well, I'm trying. What do you think I should do?
Jason: I think th...the...there are angles. Think.
Maggie: But should I take the job?
Jason (in his mind): Look at my eyes, it's right there.
Jason: I don't think you should make that decision tonight.
Maggie: Jason, what's going on? You suddenly sound like you work in the White House.
Jason: Maggie, the only help I can give you is to tell you to ask yourself, why you really want
the job, and why Max wants you.
Jason (in his mind): I do sound like I work in the White House.
Ben: I feel much better.
Carol: You won't when Mom and Dad get home.
Mike: Stand aside! Big problems call for big solutions!
Carol: What is that?
Mike: It's the answer to our prayers; the electric sander.
Ben and Carol: Goodnight!
Mike: Come on! Where are you guys going?
Carol: Anywhere but here.
Mike: Oh, come on guys, relax, relax! Now this is a fool-proof plan, right? Now, all we gotta do
is we glide the sander over the table top a couple of swoops. We sand it to a perfect match, it
dries by morning, and we got it made in the shade. So what do you guys think?
Ben and Carol: Mike! Mike! Mike!
Mike: Guys. Guys. It's either this or we tell Mom and Dad that we ruined the coffee table. Now
do you want to do that, Ben? Carol? Good, we agree. Don't worry Ben; someday you'll look
back on this as the day you became a man. You too, Carol. Turn it off!! Turn it off!
Carol: Unplug it!! The lamp!! The lamp!!
Drummond: Err, Maggie, I hope your silence means you're thinking.
Jason (in his mind): I sure hope so.
Maggie: Oh, yes.
Drummond: Good thoughts, I hope.
Maggie: You know, I shouldn't have any problem making this decision. I mean, after all, I
wrote an entire feature article on career choices.
Drummond: Well, it wasn't really your feature writing that caught my eye.
Margo: Ha! Sorry, gas.
Maggie: Well, what was it then?
Drummond: It was your hard news.
Maggie: Hard news, oh?
Jason (in his mind): What hard news?
Maggie: Like my urban crime series?
Drummond: Exactly.
Maggie: My piece on government corruption.
Jason (in his mind): What piece on government corruption?
Drummond: Best.
Maggie: That vigilante murder trial.
Jason (in his mind): Oh...real him in Maggie.
Drummond: I like what you wrote, better than what we printed.
Maggie: Well Max, this really, really helps me make up my mind. I'm going to have to say, no.
Drummond: Hey! Hey, you just spilt champagne all over Jason here.
Jason: I'm used to it, I'm a psychiatrist.
Jason (in his mind): You slime bucket.
Maggie: I was truly flattered by your offer Max, but no.
Drummond: Well...err... Maggie, this is very important, you should really be...
Maggie: I'm sure.
Jason (in his mind): Na na na na na na.
Maggie: Thank you, but no thank you.
Waiter (in his mind): Na na na na na na.
Waiter: Monsieur Drummond, dinner is served. I trust everything will be to your complete
satisfaction.
Margo: Not tonight.
Jason: Well, I am starved! What have you got here? What is it?
Maggie: Good night Max, Margo, thank you for a lovely, lovely evening. He's got some nerve
lying to me about how good my stories were, when I was lying to him about writing them.
Jason: Honey, I am sorry...really.
Maggie: And I was really excited about this job. I mean, for a while there, I actually thought I
was good.
Jason: Well, you are.
Maggie: Jason, he made this job offer because...because he wanted to sleep with me.
Jason (in his mind): Oh, I have to say something very clever here.
Jason: I can't believe that!
Maggie: Well, that's the only thing that makes sense to me; his lies, his compliments, the way
he danced with me, the way he ignored his wife.
Jason: Well, that's shocking!
Maggie: Yeah? Well, wait till you hear this; from the look on his wife's face...she knows.
Jason: Well, look at it this way, you took all those clues, you put them all together, and you
came up with the truth about Max Drummond, now that takes a very good reporter.
Maggie: I did do that, didn't I?
Jason: Yes, you did. It's a feather in your cap.
Maggie: Oh! Feather! Maybe that's why there was a chicken in my dream.
Jason: Shut your beak!!
Mike: OK, now between all of our allowances, we've got enough money for a new coffee table.
OK, and Mom and Dad sleep late on Saturdays, so first thing tomorrow me and Benny will go
down to Chadwick’s and pick one up.
Ben: They're home! They're here! They're coming!
Carol: Quick, they're home!
Mike: OK, Ben! Ben! Sit down! OK, now just don't move, OK?
Ben, Mike and Carol: Hi!
Maggie: Hi.
Jason: Hi everyone! How is everything?
Mike: Everything's great Dad.
Maggie: Ben.
Ben: I'm great too.
Maggie: I want you in bed in five minutes.
Ben: OK.
Jason: Mike, you'll lock up, OK?
Mike: Yeah, sure thing Dad.
Jason: Alright, we'll see you guys in the morning.
Ben, Mike and Carol: Alright, Good night!
Jason: Good night.
Ben: Oh no!! Arrgghh!!!
Mike: So...err...what did you guys have for dinner?
