絕望的主婦第一季第十八集

[00:00.20]Previously on "Desperate Housewives"... [00:02.30] [00:02.30]Is anybody here? [00:03.10] [00:03.10]There may have been a breakdown in our chain of care. [00:06.50] [00:06.50]You're trying to buy us off? [00:07.60] [00:07.60]Sometimes if you're not careful... [00:09.30] [00:09.30]There's this place called Camp Hennessey. [00:11.70] [00:11.70]I'm not going to any stupid camp for juvenile delinquents. [00:14.60] [00:14.60]You don't have a choice. [00:16.00] [00:16.00]Past mistakes... [00:17.30] [00:17.30]We pulled it out of rock water lake. [00:19.00] [00:19.00]I must have sold several hundred of these just like it. [00:21.60] [00:21.60]I have a list of customers' names on file. [00:24.00] [00:24.00]Will come back to haunt you. [00:26.00] [00:26.00]I won't tell anyone. [00:27.30] [00:27.30]I'll keep your secret, dad. [00:30.60] [00:32.30]There were many things Gabrielle solis knew for certain. [00:37.70] [00:39.00]She knew red was her color. [00:42.80] [00:43.70]She knew diamonds went with everything. [00:47.00] [00:47.00]And she knew men were all the same. [00:51.70] [00:54.00]But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else... [00:59.30] [00:59.70]she would never want children. [01:04.50] [01:05.30]Unfortunately for Gabrielle... [01:09.10] [01:09.10]her husband Carlos felt differently. [01:14.40] [01:26.70]I'm so lucky to have you. [01:29.70] [01:30.00]Okay, I'll bite. [01:32.80] [01:32.80]Why are you so lucky? [01:35.10] [01:35.10]Because... [01:37.40] [01:37.90]I don't want to have kids, and you do. [01:40.40] [01:40.40]Oh, that. [01:42.70] [01:42.70]Most men would leave over something like that. [01:46.60] [01:46.60]And you're still here. [01:49.60] [01:49.60]I'm grateful. [01:51.30] [01:51.30]I know the sacrifice you're making. [01:53.60] [01:53.60]There's still a little part of me that's hoping you'll change your mind. [01:57.40] [01:57.40]Once you had a baby, [01:59.30] [01:59.30]I think that you would love it so much that -- [02:01.30] [02:01.30]Honey, it's not going to happen. [02:04.70] [02:04.70]You never know. [02:06.20] [02:06.20]No, sometimes you do. [02:08.80] [02:08.80]Well, it is a sacrifice. [02:12.30] [02:14.10]But you're worth it. [02:17.10] [02:20.60]Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt she didn't want to be a mother. [02:26.60] [02:26.60]But what she couldn't know was just how much her husband wanted to be a father... [02:31.70] [02:31.70]or that he'd been tampering with her birth control for months... [02:38.40] [02:39.10]or that within one week's time... [02:43.90] [02:45.80]she'd be pregnant. [02:49.40] [03:25.80]Episode 18 : Children Will Listen [03:30.00] [03:31.80]Saturdays on Wisteria Lane belonged to the children, [03:37.60] [03:37.60]and while most would spend the day practicing their sports... [03:41.30] [03:41.30]Oh-ho! [03:42.80] [03:42.80]And riding their bikes... [03:46.30] [03:47.50]and jumping their ropes, [03:49.60] [03:49.60]others were no longer engaged in child's play. [03:53.70] [03:53.70]Indeed, some children were being forced to grow up very quickly. [03:58.30] [03:58.30]Sorry to bother you on the weekend. We just have a few questions for you. [04:01.20] [04:01.20]About what? [04:03.60] [04:03.60]12 years ago, your late wife purchased a toy chest. [04:08.00] [04:08.00]Toy chest? [04:10.60] [04:11.30]Yeah, it was about this big, had little dancing bears on it. [04:15.90] [04:15.90]Gosh, I'm sorry. [04:18.50] [04:18.50]The craftsman who makes these chests keeps a list of customers. [04:22.10] [04:22.10]Apparently, you purchased one in august 1992. [04:25.60] [04:25.60]Yeah, we'd like to know where that chest is now. [04:29.30] [04:29.30]Wow, I, um, I wish I could help you. [04:32.00] [04:32.00]I don't recall any toy chest. [04:35.00] [04:35.00]I remember. [04:36.20] [04:36.20]Yeah, it had little bears and balloons on it, right? [04:38.90] [04:38.90]Yeah, son, that's right. [04:40.90] [04:40.90]Yeah, we threw that chest away when I was little. [04:42.70] [04:42.70]I was standing on it, and it just busted. [04:45.40] [04:45.40]Remember, dad? [04:46.80] [04:46.80]Vaguely. [04:49.80] [04:52.00]I guess that's all, then. [04:54.30] [04:54.30]Thank you both for your time. [04:57.40] [04:57.40]Hey, what's the deal with this chest, anyway? [05:00.60] [05:00.60]One just like you had washed up on torch lake. [05:03.60] [05:03.60]Had a woman in it. [05:05.50] [05:05.50]A woman? [05:08.20] [05:09.60]She was all chopped up. [05:13.20] [05:21.80]Obviously, we need to talk. [05:24.50] [05:29.80]You lied to me. [05:31.00] [05:31.00]You said that it was a man in the box. [05:32.50] [05:32.50]No, I didn't lie. [05:33.80] [05:33.80]Well, the policeman said that it was a woman's body. [05:36.00] [05:36.00]Of course you were lying. [05:37.10] [05:37.10]I told you a private detective had come to take you away from us. [05:39.70] [05:39.70]I never said it was a man. [05:42.10] [05:42.80]You didn't? [05:43.70] [05:43.70]No. [05:45.00] [05:45.00]Well, I- I thought that -- [05:45.80] [05:45.80]no. [05:46.60] [05:46.60]No, stop. Please -- stop. [05:48.00] [05:48.00]I- I -- look, I know that you're lying to me, okay? [05:50.90] [05:50.90]I- I know that you're lying. [05:52.00] [05:52.00]For the last time, someone came and tried to take you away from us. [05:55.40] [05:55.40]Yes, a woman. A woman came. [05:58.00] [05:58.00]Yes, she tried to steal you from the only family that you've ever really known. [06:03.00] [06:03.00]And we couldn't let that happen, and we didn't. [06:07.20] [06:07.20]And that... is the truth. [06:12.60] [06:17.50]We can't cancel now. It's two days away. [06:19.30] [06:19.30]Rex, I'm not going. That's all there is to it. [06:21.80] [06:21.80]Counseling is part of the treatment at Camp Hennessey. You knew that. [06:24.80] [06:24.80]Nowhere in that brochure did it say that we were expected to attend. [06:27.80] [06:27.80]What's Andrew going to think if you don't show up? [06:30.20] [06:30.20]Well, I am making him this care package. [06:32.00] [06:32.00]I mean, he'll know that I'm thinking about him. [06:34.70] [06:34.70]Why are you putting in lemon squares? [06:36.50] [06:36.50]They told us not to send him sweets. [06:38.20] [06:38.20]Well, I don't understand why. [06:39.90] [06:39.90]I guess they feel baked goods from mom undercut the boot camp experience. [06:43.70] [06:43.70]Fine. I won't send them, but I think it's a stupid rule. [06:46.30] [06:46.30]So are you going to this thing or not? [06:48.80] [06:48.80]- No. - Why? [06:50.50] [06:50.50]Because the minute I get there, Andrew will start attacking me for abandoning him. [06:55.80] [06:55.80]And I don't want to hear it. [06:56.90] [06:56.90]There's no reason to feel guilty, you know. [06:59.30] [06:59.30]You did everything you could for him. [07:01.60] [07:01.60]I don't feel guilty. [07:05.40] [07:07.70]Okay. [07:10.50] [07:22.30]Please, Christie, there's no way that I can get another babysitter this late in the day -- [07:28.60] [07:28.60]Parker, knock it off. [07:30.20] [07:30.20]No. [07:31.00] [07:31.00]Because I'm having drinks with friends I used to work with, and they never called, [07:35.30] [07:35.30]and if I blow them off, that's it, I'll just -- I'm dead to them. [07:40.00] [07:40.00]No, I can't call Patty Binks. [07:43.40] [07:44.00]Because she steals things. [07:45.50] [07:45.50]Damn it, Christie, you're 13 years old. [07:47.50] [07:47.50]You've got a lot of trips to the mall ahead of you. [07:50.70] [07:50.70]Okay, okay, I'm sorry. [07:52.60] [07:52.60]I'm sorry I raised my voice. I'm calm. [07:56.00] [07:56.00]So I'm starting to think that this is about money. [07:58.50] [07:58.50]So what is it that would make it worth your while? [08:01.60] [08:01.60]$100? Well, that's extortion. [08:03.50] [08:03.50]There's no way in hell that I'm going to -- hello? [08:07.10] [08:07.10]Hello? [08:10.30] [08:10.30]Parker, I swear, I will spank you. [08:12.60] [08:12.60]Knock it off. [08:15.30] [08:16.40]Hi, Mrs. Binks. Is Patty there? [08:19.30] [08:19.30]Thank you. [08:22.10] [08:22.40]Hi, honey. I'm back. [08:25.90] [08:26.20]Hey, sweetie. [08:27.70] [08:27.70]This is Mr. Steinberg, the attorney from the hospital. [08:30.70] [08:30.70]Oh, have we met? [08:32.30] [08:32.30]Yes, Mrs. Solis. We've met. [08:35.00] [08:35.00]Don't you remember? [08:36.50] [08:36.50]It was after mama died. [08:38.80] [08:38.80]Apparently,the hospital was negligent and agreed to a 7-figure settlement check, [08:44.10] [08:44.10]a check I was never told about. [08:47.10] [08:47.10]Oh, that. [08:51.90] [08:54.90]Mr. Steinberg... [08:56.10] [08:56.10]I was just leaving. [08:58.90] [09:10.00]What were you thinking?! [09:11.20] [09:11.20]Wait, just let me explain -- [09:12.20] [09:12.20]no, why the hell didn't you tell me?! [09:14.00] [09:14.00]Because I couldn't trust you to make the right decision. [09:16.30] [09:16.30]The right decision was to use that money for my lawyers! [09:19.00] [09:19.00]We could have fought the indictment, and then I wouldn't have had to take the plea bargain! [09:22.00] [09:22.00]If you didn't take the plea deal, the government would have seized the settlement. [09:24.90] [09:24.90]Oh, we could have fought that in court. [09:26.60] [09:26.60]Exactly,and then you would have blown all the money on the lawyers. [09:29.20] [09:29.20]Who cares?! [09:30.30] [09:30.30]If there was a chance didn't have to go to jail. [09:32.70] [09:32.70]You had Laotian convicts sewing casual wear for 2 cents an hour. [09:36.30] [09:36.30]Don't you think you deserve a time-out? [09:38.70] [09:38.70]Eight months. [09:40.10] [09:40.10]Thanks to you, I'm going away for eight months. [09:43.00] [09:43.00]And when you get out, we're going to have money to start over with thanks to me. [09:48.00] [09:50.60]You know, once you calm down, you're going to realize I did the right thing, [09:55.40] [09:55.40]and when that happens, I'd appreciate an apology. [09:59.80] [10:14.20]Grandma's here. [10:16.90] [10:25.70]Now, that is just perfect. [10:29.30] [10:29.30]Stay put. [10:31.30] [10:32.60]I am so sorry. [10:35.00] [10:35.00]Hey, mom. [10:37.20] [10:37.20]Oh, hey, Susie. Mm, I goofed. [10:40.90] [10:40.90]What happened? [10:41.70] [10:41.70]Oh, you know me. No depth perception whatsoever. [10:46.00] [10:46.00]I'm stunned they even issued me a license. [10:48.00] [10:48.00]So you're Susan's mom. [10:50.50] [10:50.50]Yeah. [10:52.60] [10:52.60]I'm Sophie Bremer. And you are... [10:54.90] [10:54.90]Mike Delfino. [10:56.60] [10:56.60]Oh. [10:58.20] [10:58.20]You're Mike? [10:59.50] [10:59.50]Oh, my god! [11:01.10] [11:01.10]Susan's told me so much about you. [11:04.10] [11:04.10]Well, don't just stand there. Give me a hug. [11:07.60] [11:10.60]Mom, uh... Mike and I aren't together anymore. [11:16.30] [11:17.00]Oh. I'm sorry. [11:20.30] [11:20.70]I-I guess I just made this pretty awkward, huh? [11:23.10] [11:23.10]Yeah, you --you really did. [11:25.40] [11:25.40]So let's just call the insurance company. [11:28.00] [11:28.00]Okay. [11:29.30] [11:29.30]Well... it's nice meeting you anyway, Mike. [11:32.80] [11:32.80]Yeah. You too. [11:33.60] [11:33.60]And I never would have guessed that you're Susan's mom. [11:36.40] [11:36.40]I know. I look too young. [11:39.00] [11:39.00]I got pregnant when I was a tiny teenager. [11:41.70] [11:41.70]Okay. [11:42.40] [11:42.40]It was the first time I got drunk -- ever. [11:44.70] [11:44.70]Can you believe it? [11:45.80] [11:45.80]Let's go. [11:46.60] [11:46.60]Her father was a marine. [11:48.10] [11:48.10]Afterwards, he gave me three of his medals. [11:51.50] [11:51.50]- Mom. - What? [11:53.80] [11:53.80]Let's just go inside and call the insurance company. [11:56.90] [11:56.90]Oh, right. [11:59.90] [12:07.70]What are you smiling about? [12:10.10] [12:10.10]I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. [12:15.10] [12:15.10]They were all just answered. [12:18.10] [12:34.80]Hi! [12:36.50] [12:38.70]Hi. [12:41.10] [12:41.80]Hi. [12:43.50] [12:43.50]What's going on? [12:45.00] [12:45.00]Oh, um... my babysitter canceled. [12:49.30] [12:49.30]Oh, Lynette, I-I'm so swamped today. [12:51.90] [12:51.90]My -- my house is a mess, and I've got millions of errands to run, so -- [12:55.60] [12:55.60]Please hear me out. This is important. [12:57.30] [12:57.30]Today I have a chance to rejoin the human race for a few hours. [13:01.10] [13:01.10]There are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. [13:04.40] [13:04.40]Look, I'm in a dress. I have makeup on. [13:07.60] [13:07.60]If it were any other day -- [13:08.60] [13:08.60]Oh, for god's sakes, Bree, I'm wearing pantyhose. [13:12.20] [13:14.50]Bring them in. [13:15.80] [13:15.80]Thank you, thank you. Okay, in you go. [13:18.70] [13:18.70]And then the police showed me his mug shot. [13:20.70] [13:20.70]No. [13:21.50] [13:21.50]Yes. Mike served time for selling drugs and manslaughter. [13:25.70] [13:25.70]I can't believe it. [13:26.70] [13:26.70]Well, it's true. [13:28.30] [13:28.30]He has such nice manners, you know? [13:31.00] [13:31.00]I know. [13:32.40] [13:32.40]Susie... [13:34.70] [13:34.70]I don't want you worrying too much about this Mike thing. [13:38.90] [13:38.90]The right man will come along. [13:41.80] [13:41.80]Just give it time. [13:43.70] [13:43.70]I think I would have given up entirely if it weren't for you and Morty. [13:48.10] [13:48.10]Morty? [13:48.90] [13:48.90]Yeah, you know. [13:50.30] [13:50.30]It's the third time around for both of you, and you're really clicking. [13:54.40] [13:54.40]Ugh. Gives me hope. [13:57.70] [13:59.80]What's wrong? [14:00.90] [14:00.90]Nothing, nothing. [14:02.60] [14:02.60]Um, I'm just... I'm, uh, tired. [14:05.20] [14:05.20]You're not tired. You took a nap. What is it? [14:09.20] [14:10.70]I left Morty. [14:12.80] [14:12.80]What? [14:13.80] [14:13.80]Why? [14:14.50] [14:14.50]Because he shoved me. [14:16.50] [14:16.50]Morty? No. [14:18.50] [14:18.50]You think I'm lying? [14:20.70] [14:20.70]Fine. [14:21.50] [14:21.50]Why would he shove you? [14:22.90] [14:22.90]Because I confronted him [14:24.80] [14:24.80]about how much time he's spending at that damn pancake restaurant -- [14:28.60] [14:28.60]if that's where he's really been. [14:30.30] [14:30.30]Oh, you can't be serious. Morty? [14:32.60] [14:32.60]You think men his age don't have needs? [14:34.90] [14:34.90]You should seethe waitresses he hires. [14:37.20] [14:37.20]Every year, they get younger and younger. [14:40.00] [14:40.00]Well, maybe you just feel that way 'cause every year you get older and older. [14:43.80] [14:43.80]Well, that's a horrible thing to say. [14:45.60] [14:45.60]I'm sorry. [14:46.40] [14:46.40]I'm not that old. [14:47.40] [14:47.40]I said I was sorry. [14:49.20] [14:49.20]People think we're sisters. [14:51.50] [14:51.50]Well, that's 'cause you tell them that. [14:53.50] [14:53.50]One time. [14:55.50] [14:55.80]You've got to let go of that. [14:57.00] [14:57.00]Okay, look, I am just saying that I don't think Morty cheated on you. [15:02.00] [15:02.00]Well, he did shove me. [15:04.10] [15:04.10]And the least you can do is be supportive. [15:06.70] [15:06.70]You're right. You're right. [15:09.80] [15:10.00]He also threw a book at me. [15:11.50] [15:11.50]Oh, come on. [15:12.80] [15:12.80]Hey -- ah. [15:15.30] [15:15.30]I mean... he shouldn't have done that. [15:18.90] [15:18.90]Ha. Thank you. [15:22.00] [15:35.10]Porter, honey,those cookies are hot. [15:36.70] [15:36.70]Just wait a few minutes, and then I'll give you one when they're cool, okay? [15:41.00] [15:42.00]Um... you know, pictures are prettier if you color inside the lines. [15:47.40] [15:49.80]Well, art is subjective. [15:53.60] [15:54.90]Porter, what did I tell you? [15:56.70] [15:56.70]But I'm hungry. [15:57.80] [15:57.80]Well, then, I will fix you a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese. [16:03.10] [16:03.10]Ew, barf. [16:04.10] [16:04.10]Don't be common, young man. Now come on. [16:06.80] [16:06.80]If you play around with those cookies one more time, I'm going to have to spank you. [16:10.30] [16:10.30]We don't get spanked. [16:11.60] [16:11.60]Really? [16:13.30] [16:13.30]Mommy always says she's going to, but she never does. [16:16.60] [16:16.60]Well, I am not your mommy, and if you misbehave in my house, you will get spanked. [16:23.20] [16:23.20]So be good. [16:25.30] [16:27.80]How's my girl? [16:29.10] [16:29.10]How are you doing? [16:32.20] [16:43.40]It was an accident. [16:45.00] [16:45.00]Porter, I warned you. [16:46.60] [16:46.60]I'm sorry.I'll be good. [16:48.00] [16:48.00]Those cookies were made from scratch. [16:52.70] [16:52.70]Your fate is sealed. [16:55.70] [16:55.70]Come here. [16:57.30] [16:57.30]No, no! [16:58.80] [16:58.80]Ow! [16:59.80] [16:59.80]Ow! [17:00.90] [17:00.90]Ow! [17:02.00] [17:02.00]Ow! [17:04.10] [17:06.40]What's that? [17:08.40] [17:08.40]It's called a post-nuptial agreement. [17:12.00] [17:12.00]It's a legal document that -- [17:13.30] [17:13.30]No, I know what a post-nup is. [17:15.00] [17:15.00]What is it doing on my coffee table? [17:17.40] [17:17.40]Well, I can forgive that stunt you pulled with the settlement check [17:21.20] [17:21.20]if I'm sure that you'll really be around when I get out of jail. [17:24.80] [17:24.80]Hmm. [17:26.40] [17:26.40]And the post-nup changes the terms of the pre-nup, so... [17:30.00] [17:30.00]So if you try and divorce me while I'm gone, [17:34.00] [17:34.00]you get nothing. [17:36.20] [17:36.20]You don't trust me? [17:38.20] [17:38.20]Afraid not. [17:39.30] [17:39.30]Well, that's too bad, because I'm not signing that piece of paper. [17:43.90] [17:43.90]You're a very beautiful woman, Gabrielle, [17:47.60] [17:47.60]but... you're not very bright. [17:52.30] [17:52.60]See, if you don't sign it, [17:54.70] [17:54.70]I'll pull the plug on the settlement agreement, divorce you, [17:58.70] [17:58.70]and then you get what amounts to about 50% of our current savings, which is basically nothing. [18:07.40] [18:08.20]So what do you expect to happen right now, Carlos -- [18:11.60] [18:11.60]sign the paper and jump right back into your arms? [18:15.30] [18:15.30]Baby, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. [18:18.00] [18:18.00]You know I think you're the perfect woman. [18:22.10] [18:26.00]Oh, but I'm not. I have flaws. [18:30.90] [18:30.90]Flaws? [18:32.00] [18:32.00]Mm-hmm. I'll even give you an example. [18:35.10] [18:35.10]Remember the time when you were in jail and you told me about your secret compartment, [18:40.10] [18:40.10]and you told me to burn the papers that I found in there? [18:43.30] [18:43.30]Well, me being pretty, and therefore stupid, [18:47.40] [18:47.40]I forgot. [18:49.40] [18:49.40]You didn't burn the papers. [18:51.50] [18:51.50]Worse. I read them. [18:54.50] [18:54.90]Okay, okay -- [18:55.40] [18:55.40]You have some nerve talking to me about trust, [18:57.80] [18:57.80]when you have a secret bank account in the cayman islands. [19:00.00] [19:00.00]That was a safety net for both of us. [19:02.40] [19:02.40]I'll bet. [19:04.10] [19:04.10]Have you told anyone else about this? [19:05.40] [19:05.40]No, but I could. [19:07.50] [19:07.50]Hey, is that why the prosecution didn't have a case against you? [19:10.90] [19:10.90]They couldn't find the profits you made. [19:12.90] [19:12.90]So if I were you, Carlos, [19:14.80] [19:14.80]I wouldn't mention the words "divorce," "trust," or "post-nup" ever again. [19:20.40] [19:20.40]You don't want to piss me off. [19:23.50] [19:31.40]I know, baby. It hurts to lose. [19:34.90] [19:43.60]Ante up. [19:44.90] [19:44.90]Well, look at me. [19:47.20] [19:47.20]Finally in on one of your legendary poker parties. [19:51.10] [19:51.10]Susan's always telling me how much fun you girls have. [19:54.40] [19:54.40]The rules are simple -- we play for cash, the dealer picks the game, [19:57.70] [19:57.70]and unsubstantiated gossip is encouraged. [20:01.00] [20:01.80]Bree, thanks again for watching my boys. [20:03.60] [20:03.60]Are you sure they weren't too much to handle? [20:04.80] [20:04.80]Oh, no, we had a wonderful time, although I think porter had a little less fun. [20:09.60] [20:09.60]Okay, I'll bet. [20:11.30] [20:11.30]So, Sophie, Susan says you guys are going to the spa tomorrow. [20:14.60] [20:14.60]Is that an all-day thing? [20:15.80] [20:15.80]What do you mean, Porter had less fun? [20:17.90] [20:17.90]I'll raise. [20:18.90] [20:18.90]Well, he was misbehaving, so I had to punish him. [20:21.00] [20:21.00]So, yes, Susan is treating me to an entire day of beauty -- [20:25.00] [20:25.00]So when you say punishment, what exactly are we talking about? [20:27.80] [20:27.80]Oh, I had to spank him. [20:30.30] [20:30.30]Okay, I will re-raise. [20:33.30] [20:33.30]You spanked my son? [20:37.30] [20:39.10]Las precis spa. [20:41.20] [20:41.20]Yep, that's where we're going. [20:45.20] [20:45.60]Lynette, is there a problem? [20:47.70] [20:47.70]Tom and I don't believe in hitting our kids. I thought you knew that. [20:50.00] [20:50.00]Sorry. I-I didn't know. [20:53.30] [20:53.30]It won't happen again. [20:56.70] [20:56.70]Of course, I'm somewhat surprised you don't spank them. [20:59.40] [20:59.40]I mean, everybody knows they're a little bit... out of control. [21:04.80] [21:05.90]Wow, I'm just dragging today. Should we put on another pot of coffee? [21:09.10] [21:09.10]Yeah, I'll do it. [21:11.80] [21:12.70]I'll -- I'll fold. [21:15.50] [21:15.50]You know, you're right, Bree. I've got a lot to learn about parenting, [21:19.20] [21:19.20]and I feel so blessed to be getting sage advice from such an impeccable mother like you. [21:23.30] [21:23.30]I mean, your kids turned out perfect, as long as you don't count Andrew. [21:27.00] [21:27.00]Where is he again? Hmm? [21:29.10] [21:29.10]Some kind of a boot camp for juvenile delinquents? [21:32.70] [21:32.70]Okay, girls. [21:34.90] [21:34.90]I never said I was perfect. [21:36.60] [21:36.60]Oh, honey, nobody's blaming you. [21:38.30] [21:38.30]The hell I'm not. [21:39.30] [21:39.30]Lynette. [21:42.50] [21:47.80]If you will excuse me... [21:50.90] [21:54.20]Lynette, will you go after her? [21:55.70] [21:55.70]She spanked my son. I'm not apologizing. [22:00.40] [22:05.00]Usually poker is more fun than this. [22:08.70] [22:10.00]So help me, if you don't back me up on this, I will lose it. [22:12.90] [22:12.90]Yes, Bree shouldn't have spanked porter, but it's not like she hurt him. [22:17.30] [22:17.30]That is not the point. You don't spank other people's children. [22:21.00] [22:21.00]He was misbehaving. She had to do something. [22:24.00] [22:24.00]B-but make no mistake, she definitely crossed the line. [22:27.70] [22:27.70]Yeah, you're damn right she did. [22:29.20] [22:29.20]She could have tried something else, like a time-out, [22:31.30] [22:31.30]or she could have simply threatened to spank him. [22:34.10] [22:34.10]Yeah, 'cause that works out so well when we do it. [22:37.80] [22:37.80]It does work. It does work most of the time. [22:40.30] [22:40.30]It used to work. [22:42.10] [22:42.10]They've figured out that it's an empty threat. They're onto us. [22:46.10] [22:46.80]My mom used to beat the hell out of my sisters and me, and I won't do it. [22:53.00] [22:53.20]I will not become my mother. [22:57.60] [22:59.80]Fine. [23:01.90] [23:01.90]But the boys are getting older and smarter, and eventually -- [23:06.30] [23:06.30]Believe me, eventually they're going to figure out that they outnumber us, and then... [23:10.10] [23:10.10]We're screwed. [23:13.20] [23:13.20]Exactly. [23:16.40] [23:29.50]Excuse me, Zachary. Would you mind helping me with these bags? [23:33.50] [23:33.50]There's some banana bread in it for you if you do. [23:36.50] [23:36.50]Uh, yeah, sure. [23:40.30] [23:42.00]This is really good, Mrs. Tillman. Thanks a lot. [23:44.20] [23:44.20]You're welcome, Zachary. [23:46.20] [23:46.20]You know,I've never actually been in Mrs. Huber's house before. [23:48.80] [23:48.80]Obviously, you haven't missed much. [23:51.70] [23:51.70]This is the place where good taste goes to die. [23:57.30] [23:59.60]So... I heard you and your father arguing the other day. [24:03.50] [24:03.50]Everything all right at home? [24:05.10] [24:05.10]Yeah. We just have problems sometimes. [24:09.80] [24:09.80]I bet you miss your mother. [24:13.50] [24:13.50]I'm sure things were... different when she was alive. [24:17.80] [24:17.80]Such a warm,loving woman. [24:22.70] [24:24.00]Y-you... knew my mother? [24:28.30] [24:28.30]Yep. Years ago in Utah. We worked together. [24:33.70] [24:33.70]I didn't know that. [24:35.80] [24:35.80]It's true. [24:38.50] [24:38.50]In fact... I'll tell you a secret. [24:44.60] [24:44.60]I once met you when you were a little baby. [24:49.10] [24:49.10]Really? [24:50.80] [24:50.80]Mm-hmm. [24:53.50] [24:54.50]Your mother loved you so much, Zachary. [25:00.10] [25:00.90]Of all the things I remember, I remember that the most. [25:08.40] [25:17.70]You want to know what else I remember? [25:22.80] [25:23.40]How lovely your original name was. [25:28.70] [25:33.30]Dana. [25:36.50] [25:45.90]Isn't this nice? [25:47.90] [25:47.90]Oh, just the two of us girls hanging out, getting pretty. [25:52.60] [25:52.60]Oh, thank you. [25:54.80] [25:54.80]My pleasure. [25:57.50] [25:57.50]So I was thinking maybe you should call Morty. [26:01.70] [26:01.70]You know, get started working things out. [26:06.10] [26:06.90]Why would I want to work things out with a man who abuses me? [26:10.70] [26:10.70]Oh, you don't have to gasp. My mother exaggerates. [26:13.40] [26:13.40]She won't be happy till I have bruises. [26:15.80] [26:15.80]Okay, um, can we just focus? [26:18.00] [26:18.00]What I want to know is have you thought about what's going to happen if you don't go back to Morty? [26:24.70] [26:24.70]What do you mean? [26:25.90] [26:25.90]Well, you don't have a place to live, you don't like to work. [26:29.50] [26:29.50]I mean, you didn't want to marry Morty, so he doesn't have to pay you alimony. [26:32.90] [26:32.90]It just -- if you don't go back to this man who allegedly shoved you once in five years, [26:38.50] [26:38.50]What are your options? [26:41.30] [26:41.30]I thought I could live with you. [26:43.20] [26:43.20]What?! [26:44.20] [26:44.20]Aah! [26:45.20] [26:45.20]Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you all right? [26:46.80] [26:46.80]You kicked me! [26:48.00] [26:48.00]Oh, I'm so sorry. I was startled. [26:49.70] [26:49.70]Here, here, lean your head back. [26:51.30] [26:51.30]I'm not saying permanently. Just for a couple of years. [26:54.00] [26:54.00]You broke my nose. [26:55.40] [26:55.40]No, no,it's just banged a little. [26:57.00] [26:57.00]Till I get back on my feet. [26:58.60] [26:58.60]Can we talk about this later? [27:00.60] [27:00.60]Should we call 911? [27:01.70] [27:01.70]No, just a nosebleed. She's fine. [27:03.80] [27:03.80]I thought you'd be excited by the idea. [27:05.80] [27:05.80]It's not that I'm not excited. [27:07.60] [27:07.60]I'm not stupid, Susan. [27:10.70] [27:10.70]It's obvious you don't want me here. [27:13.90] [27:13.90]No, that's not true! [27:15.10] [27:15.10]Mom, don't go. Mom. Come back. [27:18.70] [27:19.20]You know, I need to -- we're good, right? [27:22.40] [27:22.40]- Just go. - Yeah. [27:25.70] [28:12.30]Why aren't you dressed yet? [28:14.80] [28:15.20]I wanted to wear Andrew's favorite color, and then I realized that... [28:20.40] [28:20.90]I don't know what it is. [28:23.30] [28:23.30]Oh, honey,I think the fact that you decided to come at all will make him happy. [28:28.00] [28:28.00]Yours is blue, [28:30.00] [28:30.00]Danielle loves pink, [28:33.40] [28:33.40]and I have no idea what my own son's favorite color is. [28:37.00] [28:37.00]I'm telling you, it doesn't matter. [28:38.80] [28:38.80]How can you say that it doesn't matter? Of course it matters. [28:41.50] [28:41.50]Bree -- [28:42.00] [28:42.00]That is what makes a good mother -- [28:44.00] [28:44.00]someone who knows their child inside and out so that if they get in trouble, they know what to do. [28:50.70] [28:52.50]I don't know him well enough. [28:55.70] [28:59.90]You are a good mother. [29:03.50] [29:07.10]Brown or green? I just don't know. [29:12.20] [29:14.50]I'm going to wait in the car. [29:17.10] [29:17.10]Whenever you're ready. [29:19.90] [29:26.60]Green. [29:28.30] [29:28.30]I'll go with the green. Everybody loves green. [29:32.40] [29:53.10]I told you, I'm not signing this. [29:56.30] [29:56.30]Oh, I think you are. [29:58.10] [29:58.10]Because if you don't, I will divorce you. [30:03.30] [30:03.50]Then I'll go to the police. [30:06.50] [30:06.50]And tell them what? [30:08.80] [30:08.80]There's a secret bank account in the cayman islands that no longer exists? [30:14.10] [30:14.10]You moved the money? [30:15.30] [30:15.30]Of course I moved the money. [30:18.30] [30:20.30]Well, that was risky. I mean, the feds are watching you right now. [30:24.30] [30:24.30]I had to do something. [30:27.60] [30:27.60]I couldn't just let you make a fool out of me. [30:31.20] [30:37.40]Aah! [30:38.80] [30:38.80]Oh, stop, Carlos, stop it! [30:40.50] [30:40.50]- Put me down! - Okay. [30:42.30] [30:42.30]Put me down! [30:44.70] [30:44.70]Let me go! [30:46.40] [30:46.40]Aah! [30:47.40] [30:47.40]Stop! You're hurting me! Carlos! [30:51.70] [30:53.50]Sign it. [30:56.10] [30:57.00]Sign it! [30:59.40] [31:09.10]I know, baby. [31:12.30] [31:12.60]It hurts to lose. [31:16.80] [31:43.80]Mr. And Mrs. Van De Kamp? [31:46.10] [31:46.70]Uh, yes,um, is it our turn? [31:48.50] [31:48.50]Well, uh, sort of. Andrew's waiting inside, but... [31:52.50] [31:52.50]what's wrong? [31:53.60] [31:53.60]Well, he said he won't go forward with the session if his mother's involved. [31:59.30] [31:59.30]He only wants to talk to his dad. [32:01.30] [32:01.30]We drove 200 miles to be here today. [32:03.60] [32:03.60]This is unacceptable. [32:05.00] [32:05.00]I-I share your frustration. [32:08.00] [32:08.00]All right, to hell with him, then. We're going home. [32:10.40] [32:10.40]No. [32:10.80] [32:10.80]I am not going to let him insult you like this. [32:12.80] [32:12.80]He blames me for his being here. He blames me for everything. [32:17.80] [32:17.80]And he's probably right. [32:19.40] [32:19.40]Any mistakes made were made by both of us. [32:22.70] [32:22.70]One of us should go talk to him, see how he is. [32:26.10] [32:26.10]I'm okay. [32:28.70] [32:28.70]Are you sure? [32:30.20] [32:30.20]Yeah. Fine. [32:33.20] [32:35.10]Right this way. [32:37.10] [32:41.40]Camp Hennessey COUNSELING CENTER [32:43.00] [33:05.80]Mom. Mom! [33:07.60] [33:07.60]Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.What is it? [33:08.60] [33:08.60]Why aren't you guys brushing your teeth? [33:13.10] [33:13.20]Parker, what happened? [33:14.40] [33:14.40]Porter pushed me, and it fell in. [33:16.40] [33:16.40]He pushed me first. [33:17.60] [33:17.60]Can I flush it? [33:18.60] [33:18.60]No, no. I'll fish it out later, all right? [33:21.20] [33:21.20]You're off the hook for tonight, but not you two, so start brushing. [33:25.20] [33:27.50]Preston, did you not hear me? I said start brushing your teeth. [33:30.20] [33:31.70]What are you doing? [33:34.60] [33:34.60]Don't you dare. [33:37.50] [33:37.50]Do it! Do it! Do it! [33:38.80] [33:38.80]Preston, don't listen to them. [33:39.80] [33:39.80]Back away from the toilet, and no one gets hurt. [33:43.10] [33:43.10]Do it! Do it! Do it! [33:44.70] [33:44.70]I mean it this time. These are not just words. [33:47.80] [33:47.80]Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! [33:49.50] [33:49.50]If you do this, so help me... [33:52.80] [33:52.80]Hearing the hollowness of her own voice, [33:55.60] [33:55.60]Lynette realized that it was time to get one step ahead. [33:59.60] [33:59.60]Do it! Do it! [34:01.30] [34:01.30]I will walk you over to Mrs. Van De Kamp's, and we all know what happens when she gets mad. [34:07.80] [34:10.30]Now... [34:11.80] [34:11.80]go brush your teeth, and I want them to sparkle. Go on. [34:15.20] [34:18.50]Sorry you had to bring your kid back. [34:20.50] [34:20.50]What happened this time? [34:22.30] [34:22.30]Well, couple months back, I caught Todd going through my purse. [34:25.40] [34:25.40]Oh. I hate when they do that. [34:28.80] [34:28.80]Was he looking for weed or money? [34:30.50] [34:30.50]Oh, who know sat this point? [34:33.00] [34:33.00]Anyway, I'd knocked a couple back, and things got heated. [34:37.30] [34:37.30]Pretty soon, we were both screaming and throwing stuff around the apartment. [34:41.00] [34:41.00]Next thing you know, lady upstairs calls the cops on us. [34:43.50] [34:43.50]Aw, give me a break. [34:45.90] [34:49.10]So now I got some social worker trying to tell me how to raise my boy. [34:54.80] [34:54.80]Kids -- boy, if I knew then what I know now, [34:57.80] [34:57.80]I would have had that hysterectomy 20 years ago. [35:02.40] [35:11.90]Uh, Bree [35:12.80] [35:12.80]Don't get up. I'll be quick. [35:14.80] [35:14.80]Andrew, all any parent can do is try to provide their child with the tools to succeed in life -- [35:20.80] [35:20.80]education, love, a good, clean, safe home. [35:24.30] [35:24.30]Well, I have given you those things, and I am through feeling guilty, [35:27.40] [35:27.40]so if you want to piss your life away and blame it on how horrible things are at home, you go ahead, [35:32.00] [35:32.00]but I want it stated for the record that I am a good mother. Do you hear me? [35:35.50] [35:35.50]I am a good mother. [35:39.80] [35:40.30]Bree... [35:43.30] [35:43.30]Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay. [35:48.10] [35:49.00]What? [35:50.30] [35:50.30]That's why he wanted me to come in first. [35:52.90] [35:52.90]He thought I could take it better. [35:56.50] [36:02.10]Well, he was right. I will be waiting in the car. [36:05.90] [36:13.90]Mrs. Solis. What are you doing here? [36:16.70] [36:21.30]Okay. [36:22.40] [36:22.40]Are your roommates here? [36:23.40] [36:23.40]No. Are you okay? [36:26.50] [36:26.50]Yeah. [36:28.90] [36:28.90]What's this? [36:29.90] [36:29.90]That is, uh... [36:31.50] [36:31.50]Carlos just got a little rough. Made me sign some papers. [36:34.90] [36:34.90]He hurt you? [36:37.10] [36:40.00]John, what are you doing? [36:41.50] [36:41.50]I'm going to take care of this. [36:42.20] [36:42.20]No, you're not going to do anything. [36:43.40] [36:43.40]We're not going to let him get away with this. [36:45.10] [36:45.10]Look, you really want to get back at him? [36:47.10] [36:47.10]Then kiss me. [36:48.20] [36:48.20]How's that going to help? [36:49.50] [36:49.50]Because one day, when the time is right, [36:52.50] [36:52.50]I'm going to tell him how he drove me right into your arms, and that's going to kill him. [36:58.00] [37:01.90]And tonight just, whatever you do, don't call me beautiful. [37:07.50] [37:18.50]Oh, Morty, look who's here. [37:20.20] [37:20.20]Hey, Millie. Hi, Morty. [37:22.00] [37:22.00]Hey [37:22.90] [37:22.90]Susie, what --what brings you here? [37:25.40] [37:25.40]Mom -- I brought her over. [37:28.70] [37:30.20]What-- what's she doing out there? [37:32.50] [37:32.50]She says she won't come in until you go out and apologize to her. [37:35.90] [37:35.90]For -- for what? [37:37.70] [37:37.70]For shoving her. [37:39.70] [37:39.70]Well, I only shoved her 'cause she wouldn't -- she wouldn't stop hitting me. [37:42.80] [37:42.80]Why was she hitting you? [37:44.90] [37:44.90]I threw a --threw a book at her. [37:47.10] [37:47.10]Morty. [37:48.20] [37:48.20]It was --it was a paperback. [37:49.50] [37:49.50]Well, even so... [37:50.90] [37:50.90]At least I missed. [37:53.20] [37:53.20]I mean, she --she hit me square in the gut. [37:56.00] [37:56.00]You want to seethe bruise? [37:57.30] [37:57.30]That's okay. That's okay. [38:00.60] [38:01.00]It really hurt. [38:02.20] [38:02.20]Yeah, I-I understand. [38:04.90] [38:04.90]So... could you, uh, just go out and apologize? [38:10.00] [38:10.00]No. [38:11.30] [38:11.30]Why? [38:12.80] [38:12.80]Because I don't want her back. [38:13.70] [38:13.70]Morty. [38:15.40] [38:15.40]Look, I love her, but the -- the pancake shack is just starting to take off, [38:20.10] [38:20.10]and we're talking about opening another one. [38:23.00] [38:23.00]I mean, that--that's practically a chain. [38:25.70] [38:25.70]I-I don't have time for her hysterics. [38:28.40] [38:28.40]Yeah, I sympathize, I really do. [38:30.50] [38:30.50]But you have to take her back. [38:32.50] [38:32.50]Why? [38:33.20] [38:33.20]Because she wants to move in with me. [38:36.90] [38:36.90]Oh. [38:37.80] [38:37.80]Morty, I-I'd like to have a relationship again, and at my age, with a kid -- [38:41.80] [38:41.80]I mean, if she moves into my house, even for a couple of years, I'm doomed. [38:45.40] [38:45.40]Wa-wasn't there a plumber? Your mother said you were in love with a plumber. [38:48.90] [38:48.90]I am -- I mean, I was. It didn't work out. [38:53.80] [38:53.80]I'm -- I'm sorry. [38:55.70] [38:55.70]If she moves in, she will burn up all my oxygen, and I need it. [39:00.70] [39:00.70]Please, can't you give her another chance? [39:02.90] [39:02.90]You guys are really good together, you know? [39:05.70] [39:05.70]When you're -- when --when there's no violence. [39:08.80] [39:08.80]Well, we --we do have chemistry. [39:11.50] [39:11.50]Absolutely. [39:13.10] [39:13.10]You know -- you know,the sex was like... wow. [39:17.10] [39:17.10]I mean, there was this one time we were coming home on the interstate -- [39:20.40] [39:20.40]You don't have to sell me. Go. Just go talk to her. [39:24.20] [39:24.90]Now. [39:27.50] [39:29.50]Okay. [39:32.00] [39:41.40]That was a mighty big sigh. [39:43.40] [39:43.40]I just keep thinking it's coming, Millie, and I can't stop it. [39:46.50] [39:46.50]What's that? [39:48.00] [39:48.00]The day my mother will need to move in with me, and I won't have a choice. [39:50.70] [39:50.70]Mm-hmm. [39:51.80] [39:51.80]I know it's years away. She's youthful and vibrant, thank god. [39:56.20] [39:56.20]But time flies. [39:59.10] [39:59.10]One day, she won't be able to take care of herself anymore, and I'll have to step up. [40:03.20] [40:03.20]I suppose that's true. [40:05.90] [40:05.90]I think it's nature's little joke that children ultimately end up parenting their parents. [40:12.10] [40:12.10]Well, when that day comes, I'll be ready. [40:14.70] [40:14.70]Honey, you better get out there. [40:17.40] [40:17.40]Stop it! Aah! [40:20.60] [40:22.20]What? Stop! What are you doing?! [40:24.60] [40:24.60]What are you doing? [40:27.00] [40:56.30]Hey. [40:58.10] [41:01.00]Look... I just wanted to apologize. [41:03.90] [41:03.90]Lynette, don't. [41:07.30] [41:07.50]The fact that you just crossed that street means the world to me, [41:11.20] [41:11.20]and if anyone here should apologize, it's me. [41:14.80] [41:14.80]Thank you. [41:18.30] [41:22.00]Looks like Tom's got the mob under control. [41:24.90] [41:24.90]You want to have some coffee, sit around, bitch about our kids? [41:31.00] [41:31.00]I would love to. [41:32.00] [41:32.00]Okay. [41:34.80] [41:39.60]Children come into the world with their own agendas. [41:44.20] [41:44.20]Some to brighten our days... [41:48.90] [41:48.90]some to test our patience... [41:55.90] [41:55.90]some to give us purpose... [42:02.70] [42:04.10]some to take care of us. [42:09.50] [42:11.20]Yes, when they come, children change everything... [42:20.00] [42:26.00]especially when they're not invited. [42:31.10] [42:32.73]The End [42:35.89]

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