英語小達人每天10分鐘 423 Creative Wrong Answers
創(chuàng)造性錯誤答案
The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As one teacher noted, "it is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"
下面這些奇思妙語是從大中小學的試卷和作文中收集來的。正如一個老師所說：“學生們在緊迫的考試時間里和分數(shù)的重壓下寫出的這些精靈古怪的東西真是令人稱奇呀!”
SCIENCE
關于科學的考試
H2O is hot water, and CO2, is cold water.
H2O是熱水，CO2是冷水。(H2O為水，CO2二氧化碳)
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
要采集硫磺的煙氣，把小牛皮放在試管里放在火上燒。
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
如果你聞到一種沒有氣味的氣體，那就有可能是一氧化碳。
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
水由兩種杜松子酒構(gòu)成：Oxygin和Hydrogin(分別為Oxygen和Hydrogen的誤寫)。Oxygin是杜松子酒原汁，Hydrogin是杜松子酒加水。
There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
愛爾蘭沒有氧，因為它在獨立國家沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)。(應為游離狀態(tài)的單體氮)
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
一次呼吸有兩個步驟：先授意，然后咳吐。(應為吸inhate和呼exhale)
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
月球和地球一樣是行星，只是更死氣沉沉些。
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
葉片被太陽照射后出汗就產(chǎn)生出露水。
A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
過飽和溶液就是裝了超過溶解量的溶液。
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
蘑菇通常生長在潮濕多雨的地方，所以它們長得像雨傘。
The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.
手槍是花惟一的防止昆蟲侵害的自我保護。(應為pistil雌蕊;agenst應為against)
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
地球每24小時下一次決心。(應為rotation自轉(zhuǎn))
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Spices.
查爾斯·達爾文是個博物學家，他寫了《香料的器官》一書。(應為On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection《物種起源》)
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
本杰明·富蘭克林通過倒著摩擦貓產(chǎn)生了電。
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
進化論被大家反對是因為它使得人們思考了。
The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now.
渡渡鳥是一種現(xiàn)在幾乎很高雅的鳥。(應為extinct滅絕)
A thermometer is an instrument for raising temperance.
溫度計是一種用來提高節(jié)制的器具。
People shouldn't be allowed to shoot extinct animals.
人為不應被允許射殺滅絕了的動物。
To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in quick.
想要去除燒瓶中的空氣，要先在燒瓶中灌滿水，把水滴干，然后迅速蓋上瓶蓋。
A vacuum is a U-tube with a flask at one end.
真空就是一頭接著燒瓶的一根U形管。
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body warps the mind.
眾所周知，死尸包裹著神志。
The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human has more convulsions.
人類比動物更有智慧是因為人類更多抽搐。
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
如果環(huán)境不適宜，細菌將進入青春期。
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
滑石(爽身粉)發(fā)現(xiàn)于巖石和嬰兒身上。
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
一個角為135度的三角形稱為下流的三角形。(應為obtuse angle鈍角)
The process of turning steam into water again is called conversation.
把蒸汽再變向水的過程叫做談話。(應為condensation冷凝)
The school is ventilated by hot currents.
學校用暖氣流通風。
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
除非你彎折一根或把兩根都彎折，否則平行線不會相交。
By self-pollination, a farmer may get a crop of long-haired sheep.
通過自花傳粉，農(nóng)民能得到一種長毛羊的作物。
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature, abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins inthis fight.
潮汐是地球和月球之間的一場戰(zhàn)爭。水都要到月球上去，因為月球上沒有水，而大自然受不了這種沒有的狀態(tài)。我忘了太陽是怎樣參戰(zhàn)的了。
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
化石是一種絕種了的動物，越老就越要滅絕。
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
圓是與它沒有盡頭的另一端交會的一條直線。
One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
馬力就是你在一秒鐘里把馬拉出500英尺所用的力量的大小。
To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
把牛奶儲存在奶牛里防止它變餿。
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
喘氣時，你吸入空氣。不喘氣時，你就死了。
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eyelid down over the nose.
要清除眼睛里的灰塵，把眼皮拉到鼻子上。
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
莫斯科的居民叫蚊子。
A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
人口調(diào)查員就是走街串戶增加人口的人。
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
法國的大多數(shù)房子都是用熟石膏建造的。
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
我們在美國不養(yǎng)桑蠶，是因為我們從人造絲中獲取絲。這是一種更大的蠶，我們可以獲得更多的絲。
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
季風是一個法國紳士。(應為monsieur用于法國人名前，相當于Mr.或Sir先生)
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
雷是響聲的巨大來源。
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
等溫線和等壓線本身要比它們的名字聽起來更重要得多。
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
四季是鹽、胡椒、芥末和醋。(season被誤為seasoning調(diào)味品)
In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
每年春天，鮭魚逆流而上游到勺子里。
Iron was discovered becasue someone smelt it.
鐵被發(fā)現(xiàn)是因為有人聞到了它。(smelt熔煉礦石;煉取金屬;這里smelt是smell聞的過去式)
One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
養(yǎng)牛的一個副產(chǎn)品是小牛。
Clouds are high flying fogs.
云是飛得高的霧。
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
發(fā)芽：加入德國籍。
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
升：一窩小狗。(應為litter豬、狗等的一窩)
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
磁鐵：死貓身上爬滿的東西。(應為maggot蛆)
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
動量：有人要離開時你給他的東西。(應為memento紀念品)
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
行星：地球的一個被天空環(huán)抱的身體。
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
真空：教皇住的又大又空曠的地方。
MEDICINE
關于醫(yī)學的考試
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
一副恒牙包括：8個尖牙，8個犬齒，2個磨牙和8個痰盂。(應為8個切牙incisors，4個尖牙canines，8個雙尖牙premolars和12個磨牙m(xù)olars)
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
輸血前要先檢查血液是肯定的還是否定的。
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
流鼻血時，把鼻子放低直到心臟停止跳動。
For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
狗咬傷時，把狗關幾天，如果還不好就殺掉它。
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
人體的血管有三種：動脈、風向標和毛蟲。(應為動脈、靜脈vein和毛細血管capillary)
The largest organ in the human body is the head.
人體最大的器官是頭。(應為肝臟liver)
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
血液沿一條腿向下流，再從另一條腿流回。
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
脊柱是一組骨頭，最上面是腦袋，最下面是屁股。
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
消化道位于印第安那州北部。
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
有人暈倒時，揉擦他的胸部，如果是位女士，就揉擦她的手臂?；蛘甙阉麄兊念^放到距離最近的醫(yī)生的膝間。
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
有人窒息時，為病人做人工呼吸直到他死掉。
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The pupose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
骨骼就是把內(nèi)臟取出，把表皮取下后剩下的東西。骨骼的作用就是掛住肉。
GEORGRAPHY
關于地理的考試
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
原始森林是人類的手尚未涉足的森林。
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
阿爾卑斯山的大方向是直立向上的。
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
赤道：一只穿過非洲在地球上奔跑的獅子。(應為imaginary line假想的線)
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
上帝附近的地區(qū)氣候最炎熱。(應為the equator赤道)
RELIGION
關于宗教的考試
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
追隨主耶穌的人被稱為十二鼠。(應為Twelve Apostles十二門徒)
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
亞當和夏娃是從一棵蘋果樹中創(chuàng)造出來的。
Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.
諾亞建造了方舟，動物們在梨里登上方舟。(應為in pairs成對地)
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
埃及人都淹死在甜點里了。
LITERATURE
關于文學的考試
Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies, and he wrote "Paradise Regaines."
彌爾頓寫了《失樂園》，然后他的妻子死了，他就又寫了《復樂園》。
Syntax is all the moeny collected at the church from sinners.
句法是教會向罪人收取的贖罪金。(syntax應為sin tax罪孽稅;或sin money贖罪金)
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
trousers(褲子)是個不尋常的單詞，因為它的上半截是單數(shù)的，而下半截是復數(shù)的。
HISTORY
關于歷史的考試
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
18世紀中葉，所有的傻子遷移到了猶他州。(應為Mormon摩門教教徒;19世紀中葉，摩門教徒西進最后定居在后來成為猶他州的土地上)
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
富蘭克林死于1790年，到現(xiàn)在還死著。
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes.
沃爾特·羅列爵士是個歷史人物是因為他發(fā)明了香煙。
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
克里斯托弗·哥倫布是一位偉大的航海家，他在咒罵大西洋的時候發(fā)現(xiàn)了美洲大陸。他的三艘帆船分別叫做“尼尼亞”號、“平塔”號和“圣瑪利亞”號。
Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
維多利亞女王是最長的女王，她在位63年。
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